"Is something wrong? I'm a PIRATE, not some... tissue... givey guy! I should be out finding buried treasure and swashbuckling, not helping people with their runny noses!" he exclaims, gesticulating wildly. Ironically, this actually helps move a couple more packets; maybe it's the "performance art" element. "But apparently there's 'no work in that field' or something, and it's not like my 17th century vocational degrees do a lick of good around here, so what the heck else can I do?"