Where can I go from here?

[trainwrecking]

Who: Yuzuru Otonashi and OPEN.
Where: On on of the lit-up main roads on a snowy day: backdated to the 26th!
Summary: Otonashi is trying to honor a lost loved one's memory, collect himself after the Shadow event, and move forward.
Warnings: (P...ossible talk of character death? I guess that's always a disclaimer with these losers.)

[He wouldn't shed tears, he told himself. That isn't what she would have wanted for him, but the small snack cake in his hand? His late sister would have loved that. She probably would have urged him to try some.

Weary after donating blood just an hour before, it's in his best interest to oblige. The taste is forgettable -- or maybe he just isn't paying it any mind.

Sitting beside him on the bench is a rather large chocolate cake, (a gift with no owner now, regrettably) along with a couple of other small boxes and something wrapped in a damp envelope. His intent had once been to give these items out, but after his first rejected gift, his plans had changed somewhat. The redhead found himself sitting here instead, taking in the sight of people walking in the dimly lit roads. The warm, white lights had yet to be taken down, cheerfully glimmering on the falling snow. Children of all ages took part in an increasingly aggressive snowball fight in the park nearby, their laughter and yelling crystal clear even from here.

He had been so afraid of his memories and of the truth -- any truth -- that he can't help but desire to fold into himself to think. Nothing but snow and unclaimed gifts accompany him. Maybe he should get going; he needs to pawn off this dumb cake.

Will you bum cake off him? (Seriously he won't eat this thing..!) Tell him to move so you can park your butt on that bench instead? Throw a snowball (rude!)?]

((I will be finishing up Shadow stuff and tagging into more people's event stuff still! But I wanted something easy + an excuse for him to have gifts to give, if... he can get over his first spectacularly failed gift attempt.))

Comments

[eyewillprotect]

"Sickness comas...?"

[She can certainly see why that would be reason for concern.]

Were you... able to find anything...?

[trainwrecking]

There... isn't a lot of research on human cloning. F-for obvious reasons -- it's unethical in most medical practices.

The books mostly detail how to do it, and the low success rate when you're trying to clone multi-celled organisms. And though some people argue that deficiencies occur in the specimens because of the cloning, it's... not totally conclusive.

[He takes a deep breath, giving her an apologetic look.]

I think the only way to know if something like that can be fixed is to research and try possible solutions on a living clone. If we don't know what causes something, we're guessing at solutions. Then, if the deficiencies are because of the imperfect cloning process...

[eyewillprotect]

...

It... might be difficult to do something after that point. And that's only if you could get a living clone who would volunteer for those tests.

[Her head bows slightly at the thought.]

I didn't realize. I can't imagine how difficult that must have been - both the research, and knowing that there were people like that who needed the help.

[She's been so ignorant...]

[trainwrecking]

There are so few people here from Facility now... if any. I'd feel strange trying to put out a "call for all clones..."

Who would even respond? "Here, let's run some tests on you and try to start up some experiments?" I don't want to give up, but...

[Otonashi shakes his head.]

Eh-- sorry, I didn't mean to go off like that...

[eyewillprotect]

[She gives yet another of those gentle head shakes.]

I already told you, it's fine if there's anything you need to talk about. It... sounds like you probably didn't have a whole lot of people to talk with about this.

[Who else would be around to consult about clones?]

[trainwrecking]

Just one. But I... I don't think I can anymore.

[His sigh is soft, but disappointed-sounding.]

Eh, maybe I've just had bad luck with the people here. You seem to manage though, huh?

[eyewillprotect]

Just one...?

[She looks questioning. But at the same time, he seems to want to move onto another topic, so she'll go along with that for now.]

Somehow, yes. Althoughthat might be because there are so many friendly people here rather than anything to do with me.

[trainwrecking]

I just attract disaster then? Ah.

[Sounds about right.]

Speaking of disaster, I have to start avoiding Noda again.

[eyewillprotect]

I didn't mean it like that...

[There's a small frown here.]

...What happened with Noda? Was it because of the Shadows...?

[trainwrecking]

No, no, ah-- that came out harsher than I intended. It's not you.

[He gives her another apologetic look and frowns in turn.]

Yeah, I... I might think something mean about someone when I'm annoyed with them, but I would never actually be that mean to someone. The Shadow, though...

[eyewillprotect]

...All of those Shadows took it a little too far, I think. I can understand having feelings along those lines, but... it almost seemed exaggerated in some cases.

Although... I can only talk about what I saw. [Since she didn't have one.]

[trainwrecking]

They wanted to do anything to get rid of us. I guess it didn't matter what they had to do to get that. Ambushing, using tricks, putting down the originals...

[There's a long pause.]

I didn't... think myself so manipulative, though. I'm really sorry if it -- if he -- said anything too... blunt to you.

[eyewillprotect]

...Mainly, I think he tried to turn me against you. But... I didn't really like the idea of people fighting their Shadows to begin with.

[Negotiation is key. Why won't people ever learn that...?]

[trainwrecking]

It makes sense if you're driven by fear or anger, I think. I've tried to fight in situations where I probably shouldn't have.

Some people have a hard time compromising...

[eyewillprotect]

[She nods.]

...Mm. That's the way it is where I come from, as well. There were a few fights that I think we could have resolved peacefully, but...

[And here, her head dips a little. If they had just talked to Raito, maybe they would have been able to work together sooner to catch Ryuichi. And if they had done that, then maybe...

They could have saved him.]

[trainwrecking]

... It didn't work out that way?

[eyewillprotect]

[This time, it's just a simple shake of the head.

If only...]

[trainwrecking]

I know we can't always save everyone. I don't know what happened, but... I'm sorry.

[eyewillprotect]

It's... alright. We did what we thought was right at the time, so...

[Even if it had admittedly been her word against nearly all her friends. But she didn't bear them any ill will over it - only sorrow that they were unable to save that boy.]

I suppose experiencing that loss is what we must bear. According to our Stars of Fate...

[That loss and so, so many others. Their city was absolutely riddled with deaths, both supernatural and not. And they could hardly do a thing about it...]

[trainwrecking]

I don't know how much this will help, but... I know that people who have seen loss are usually stronger for it.

[He moves a hand to her shoulder, the touch light.]

You don't have to bear anything alone here. Didn't you say you had a lot of friends?

[eyewillprotect]

That's true. And even if we fight sometimes, everyone pulls together when it comes down to it. I just...

[She sighs softly.]

...I wish we could have done more.

[trainwrecking]

I think we all do sometimes, but... everyone can only do what they can. Nobody can expect you to be perfect.

Try not to be so hard on yourself... You do a lot for so many people. What matters is what you do, not what you did, right?

[eyewillprotect]

[She nods, but... it will always be a bitter pill to swallow, and she just can't help that lingering sense of guilt.]

...I know we have to move on, but... It will always be difficult, I think.

[The people she had met and failed to save. The people here that she hurt, even if it wasn't by her own volition. As much as she tries to keep going, they will always weigh on her, even just a little. And sometimes...

It becomes hard to bear.]

...I suppose I should be the one apologizing now. I know there's nothing I can do about it. [As much as she wishes to.]

[trainwrecking]

Eh? Why? You haven't done anything wrong to apologize for, so...

[He scratches his cheek and smiles meekly.]

I'm glad you felt good enough to talk to me about it. I know it doesn't help much, but it's worse to keep it to yourself. Don't ever apologize for that.

[eyewillprotect]

...Yeah. Thanks. I suppose... Even talking to my friends at home like this could be hard, at times. We just saw things very differently.