destinystrings | Where can I go from here?

Entry tags:

Where can I go from here?

Who: Yuzuru Otonashi and OPEN.
Where: On on of the lit-up main roads on a snowy day: backdated to the 26th!
Summary: Otonashi is trying to honor a lost loved one's memory, collect himself after the Shadow event, and move forward.
Warnings: (P...ossible talk of character death? I guess that's always a disclaimer with these losers.)

[He wouldn't shed tears, he told himself. That isn't what she would have wanted for him, but the small snack cake in his hand? His late sister would have loved that. She probably would have urged him to try some.

Weary after donating blood just an hour before, it's in his best interest to oblige. The taste is forgettable -- or maybe he just isn't paying it any mind.

Sitting beside him on the bench is a rather large chocolate cake, (a gift with no owner now, regrettably) along with a couple of other small boxes and something wrapped in a damp envelope. His intent had once been to give these items out, but after his first rejected gift, his plans had changed somewhat. The redhead found himself sitting here instead, taking in the sight of people walking in the dimly lit roads. The warm, white lights had yet to be taken down, cheerfully glimmering on the falling snow. Children of all ages took part in an increasingly aggressive snowball fight in the park nearby, their laughter and yelling crystal clear even from here.

He had been so afraid of his memories and of the truth -- any truth -- that he can't help but desire to fold into himself to think. Nothing but snow and unclaimed gifts accompany him. Maybe he should get going; he needs to pawn off this dumb cake.

Will you bum cake off him? (Seriously he won't eat this thing..!) Tell him to move so you can park your butt on that bench instead? Throw a snowball (rude!)?]

((I will be finishing up Shadow stuff and tagging into more people's event stuff still! But I wanted something easy + an excuse for him to have gifts to give, if... he can get over his first spectacularly failed gift attempt.))

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Hinata...

[His tone is pressing and vaguely authoritative; like something a mother might use when she knows her child is lying to her.]

I'll come over, but I want you to tell me what's on your mind so we can talk about it. Now or later... okay?

[There's no way out, huh... He draws a shaky breath, leaning back a bit so he's sitting up on his own side of the bench, although he keeps his eyes pinned down on his lap. Eye-contact is... not exactly in his skillset right now.]

I'm... supposed to be your friend, but I haven't... been there. [He pulls the sleeves of the sweater under his coat down, balling them up in his hands. It seems to be some kind of coping mechanism or a sign of vulnerability, but where would he develop a habit like that..?]

That's all, I just... I should've been there to support you and I haven't been. You probably thought I'd abandoned you or something, h-haha... [Otonashi never said anything like this... so where on Earth are these assumptions coming from? There's more to this than he's letting on... but maybe out in public isn't the best place for it.]

... Hinata, stop it. I've never thought that. You have to know that I trust you, so why would you think --?

[He may not know, but he has the sense to know that this just isn't like Hinata. And whatever "it" is, it's important enough to warrant this nervous, remorseful reaction.

Otonashi stands rather abruptly, balancing the shoddily-wrapped boxes and his juice cartons haphazardly in one arm. His other hand grabs the sleeve of Hinata's coat.]

Come on. Have your keys on hand, I'd like to get inside before you freeze to death... [It's not like he's giving a lot of options here...]

[He winces as Otonashi asks for much needed clarification. This is... hard. he knows what he's trying to say, so why isn't Otonashi immediately understanding it?]

[He stands without protest, bending to grab the cake.] Y-yeah... [Without saying anything else, the blunette makes for the closest tramway station, occasionally peering over his shoulder to make sure Otonashi is following.]

[Most of the tram ride is spent mostly in silence, save for a few accidental bumps and shoves from other passengers. As the pair nears their destination, the redhead moves to leave and runs into a loud, well-dressed girl from behind.]

"Ugh, back off, loser! You should thank me for letting you touch me!"

"F-forget it! It's not like I wanted to! Come on, Hinata. We're here anyway. If I'm thanking anyone, it's the tram for getting here when it did..."

Oi, oi... [Humorlessly, he nudges the redhead's shoulder to get him to start walking, completely ignoring the obnoxious broad yelling at them.] Let's get out of here, Otonashi-kun...

[As if that weren't enough, he mutters something under his breath as they walk past her.] You don't have anything worth touching anyway...

[The girl with the green moth clip turns her nose up and lets them go. Whatever, right? Otonashi, on the other hand, makes a face at Hinata as if to say, "I wasn't thinking that..."]

It could be worse, I've encountered some really weird people on the tram late at night... [He clears his throat. They should be close.]

You've got your key ready, right?

[Hinata could be really hard to read sometimes, especially around women. Sometimes he just... decided he didn't like a girl and that was it. Apparently this particular girl was a type that annoyed him, because he shot a dismissive look over his shoulder as he and the redhead departed the tram.]

Yeah, yeah, I have it...

[His building isn't far from the station, balancing the cake on one arm out of necessity as he retrieves his keys from his pocket. He fumbles with the lock for a moment, eventually letting them into the building and making for the elevator.]

[He hasn't said much of anything this whole time, looking down at the cake in his hands... What's going on with him?]

While we're waiting, um... Maybe... you should... No, you should definitely trade me that cake for this box. What do you think?

[Ah yes. Subtle. Subtle like the bright blue covered paper it's wrapped in with the large, misshapen stars splattered all over. Some of them read "YOU'RE A STAR."

Well isn't Hideki always going on about wanting to be some big champion--? HE TRIED.]

[He turns to peer at the box, staring unamusedly at the colorful wrapping paper. It's not like he didn't want the present, he just... wanted to wait on it. Although, he did swap with Otonashi to appease him.] I'll... open it when we get there.

[He stepped into the elevator when it arrived, moving to the side to give the redhead enough room to join him. He quietly looked down at the wrapping paper as the doors closed and they began to rise, his vision blurred by unshed tears. This all felt so familiar... but did he deserve any of this?]

[The elevator ride was mercifully short, so Hinata departed and made for his own apartment, casting a longing glance at Otonashi's vacant apartment before stopping at his own. Once again, he fumbled briefly with the keys, eventually getting the door open. The scent of teenage boy wafted out from within, dirty laundry and untended pizza boxes, topped by the awkwardly sweet smell of one of those plug-in air fresheners. It's as if he knew there was a smell, but he'd rather buy a useless trinket than actually deal with the core of the issue.] Sorry about the mess...

[His heart sinks a little, but he chases any trace of it from his features and rides out the elevator trip in silence. Though he can't help but wrinkle his nose up at the smell, he makes no outstanding comment. Hinata's room smells like death and, oh, the sky is also blue.

Stating the obvious is a waste.]

Yeah, uh... I still have the receipts for this stuff, so... I can leave it all together if you want to do that instead. You won't hurt my feelings. [He clears his throat.]

So... what's--?

N-no, you don't- [He nudges the door shut with his foot once the redhead is inside, not even sliding his shoes off before his voice cracks. For the moment, the present gets set down on his desk, neglected for now.]

[A hand rises to cover his face, shielding his shame from his friend. The kitchen is close by, maybe Otonashi should set the cake down...]

[The kitchen is too far. The fate of the cake feels too inconsequential now, so the cake ends up on a rare clean patch of floor beside the bed.]

Hinata... What don't I understand? [He hesitates, but only briefly before he lays a gentle hand on the other boy's shoulder. It's followed by reaching for Hinata's shielding hand, a soft attempt to pull it aside.]

Come on, why would I judge you for this? It's really okay.

[The moment the redhead touches him, Hinata lunges forward, arms coming to wrap tightly around Otonashi's middle. He hides his face against his friend's shoulder, tears staining the fabric of the shirt there.]

[It's always a strange thing to see him cry... it's like a terrible storm rolling in on a nice, sunny day.]

S-sorry, I just... [He chokes on a sob, shaking his head, as if to chase away a thought.] I'm s-so lonely...

So that's it...

[The guilt settles heavily into his voice, threatening to crack it under the weight. Feelings of shame, of empathy, of self-loathe for his own failure to see the obvious come flooding in. His heart aches.

All those times had been cries for attention, and all he had done was taken it at surface value. He had made a joke out of Hinata's plea for companionship, figuring that someone like Hinata could easily shake off loneliness. After all, Hinata wasn't like Otonashi: Hinata had better social skills. Hinata had confidence. Hinata had a great smile and a way to make someone feel wanted (perhaps sometimes too much so). When he mistook that post for an awkward younger teenager's or even a child's based on the terrible chatspeak, he had been tender. Once he knew it was Hinata, it was joke fodder.

That image of Hinata desperately seeking someone to listen sends another pang into his chest. It's a terribly lonely thought.]

All along, it's like I haven't learned a thing... You've been trying, and I-- I never never thought, I didn't even consider... I don't think telling you that I'm sorry would even mean anything.

I-I miss having you around... [It's not his intention to guilt Otonashi into anything, he's just... speaking earnestly. Since the redhead moved out, they just haven't been as close, and that was a fact the blunette couldn't ignore.] No one else wants to come see me, a-and...

[He pulls in a shuddering breath, gripping tightly at the other boy's shirt as he bites back another wave of emotion. That rejected cake... had Otonashi been suffering the same loneliness? Had Hinata's attempt to give him space ended up hurting both of them?]

I... was trying so hard to help someone, anyone, with whatever I could. I guess... I forgot what was right in front of me. I threw myself into studying something that ended up biting me.

[He allows Hinata as much physical contact as he wants or apparently needs. Anyone who needed a hug or consolation would get it, if Otonashi has anything to say about it. However, seeing the other boy's hands red with the dryness and irritation of the cold--

He takes one, rubbing it to try to get stimulate the bloodflow, then goes for the other.

Idiot can't dress himself. Death and sickness are real consequences here.]

Hey...

[He winces as his hands are rubbed, already chapped and painful from the cold. The warmth helps, but the damage is already done... The moron really needs a good pair of mittens or something.]

Y-yeah..? [He backs off just a little, just so he isn't clinging onto Otonashi like a baby. The last thing he wants to do is chase the redhead into hiding again. What had started this anyway? Was it the Taurus sickness..? That felt like a lifetime ago to him, so why hadn't Otonashi come back..?]

[True to nurturing form, he blows a breath of warm air on those damaged hands while idly looking around for some kind of moisturizer.

His eyes happen upon that damning lotion by the bed, but hesitates, eventually reaching the conclusion that it might be kinder to play it off rather than make a scene right now. So instead of getting it himself (and risking a freakout on either end), he rests his hands on Hinata's shoulders.]

Why don't you rub some lotion on those. [It's... spoken cautiously and innocently.]

You can't open your gift and we can't pull an all-nighter with your hands looking like that. You know -- o-only if you don't mind me staying the night.

[He starts to feel the burn of the dry skin now that they're indoors, Otonashi's breath feeling surprisingly good on his hands. It's kind of nice to be taken care of like this, isn't it? He smiles then, even if it's only small.]

Lotion? But I don't hav- [Wait. Oh. Ohhhhh. The tops of his ears go pink with embarrassment when he realizes what the redhead is suggesting, lavender eyes drifting over to the incriminating bottle.] O-of course I don't mind, but I would've cleaned up if I'd known... haha...

[His walk is a little stiff as he goes to sit on the bed, shakily applying some of the sweet smelling lotion to the backs of his dry hands. His face seems to be stuck that same shade of red... He wasn't expecting company, usually he puts that stuff away.]

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Where can I go from here?

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you know when you spend forever in transit WELL NOT ON MY WATCH

WHOA!!11!! much amaze. such pro.

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yeah we talk about his room being horrible all the time so if it's not cool I'll kill it

omg perfect