He had no real idea of what to say. All of his study on how the mind worked, and he still had no idea how to help one of the few people who meant something to him. She wasn't a little girl anymore - she had proven that many times over, especially by defeating him in court. And yet all he could think of while he held her was how he could feel her heart beating, hear the strain in her voice. He stroked her hair gently, hoping it would at least help a bit.
"... I never wanted them to tell you. I wanted to wait until you were older. It was idiotic of me, but I wanted to save you from thinking that death was coming for someone else you knew. I wanted you to live your life for yourself." He paused, thinking over his words, trying to pick them carefully. "It isn't as if I'm not grateful for... your work. But I wanted you to pursue things for yourself, not for me."
He shifted a bit, so she could cry on his shoulder more easily. His clothes could be washed. What was important was making sure she was all right. "I wasn't afraid of dying. ... No, that's not entirely true. All humans fear their end. But I was more afraid of you being hurt. I insisted it was my fault, because I didn't want you to be involved. I didn't want you to testify, because I didn't want you to hear. I knew you would hear how I felt, and you were so young." He hadn't wanted her to hear his pain. She was so young, and she hadn't needed to be exposed to that very adult kind of terror.
The hint of a smile returned to his face as he chuckled. "After I learned you were training to become a defense attorney, I specifically requested to be notified if you were coming back. You didn't think it was coincidence that my return to court was at the same time you came home, did you? Or that your first real case on your own was against me? I wanted to make sure you were committed to what you had studied." His smile faded as he continued. "And I wanted to make sure that you were strong enough to face the very real possibility of my death. I didn't want you to become invested in what at the time was a hopeless case."
Blackquill went silent for a few long moments, before pulling away a bit to look at Athena. "... I didn't spend as long studying under your mother as I would have liked, but you remind me of her in many ways. Strong, and compassionate, and dedicated. I think... she would be very proud of you."
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"... I never wanted them to tell you. I wanted to wait until you were older. It was idiotic of me, but I wanted to save you from thinking that death was coming for someone else you knew. I wanted you to live your life for yourself." He paused, thinking over his words, trying to pick them carefully. "It isn't as if I'm not grateful for... your work. But I wanted you to pursue things for yourself, not for me."
He shifted a bit, so she could cry on his shoulder more easily. His clothes could be washed. What was important was making sure she was all right. "I wasn't afraid of dying. ... No, that's not entirely true. All humans fear their end. But I was more afraid of you being hurt. I insisted it was my fault, because I didn't want you to be involved. I didn't want you to testify, because I didn't want you to hear. I knew you would hear how I felt, and you were so young." He hadn't wanted her to hear his pain. She was so young, and she hadn't needed to be exposed to that very adult kind of terror.
The hint of a smile returned to his face as he chuckled. "After I learned you were training to become a defense attorney, I specifically requested to be notified if you were coming back. You didn't think it was coincidence that my return to court was at the same time you came home, did you? Or that your first real case on your own was against me? I wanted to make sure you were committed to what you had studied." His smile faded as he continued. "And I wanted to make sure that you were strong enough to face the very real possibility of my death. I didn't want you to become invested in what at the time was a hopeless case."
Blackquill went silent for a few long moments, before pulling away a bit to look at Athena. "... I didn't spend as long studying under your mother as I would have liked, but you remind me of her in many ways. Strong, and compassionate, and dedicated. I think... she would be very proud of you."