destinystrings

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Who: Johnny Raflo and Yosuke Otoha
Where: Somewhere on their walk back home from the Taurus district
Summary: Just time for another little heart-to-heart! This time re:sexuality
Warnings: Whatever warnings usually apply to discussions of sexuality?

It had been a long night and,while he certainly enjoyed this job more than his previous one, he was looking forward to resting. Luckily, even at the pace they were keeping, they'd make it back to the apartment well before the sun would be in any danger, that was why Johnny had no problem with curling his arm around Otoha's and resting his head on the other man's shoulder as they walked.

Really, it wasn't anything he hadn't done before, it just usually came with some form of teasing; he was a little more subdued these days, however, so he just took the action without the words.

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Otoha was a little tired, but not tired enough that he was up to dealing with this. He stepped away, tensing up a bit from the memory of the contact. It just... wasn't something that made him comfortable.

Really, normally, Johnny would brush it off and stick his hands in his pockets. Tonight he was feeling a mix of things and the mild flare up of annoyance and the slight sting that that action brought were amplified by his fatigue.

"Why do you always do that?" Okay, well, maybe it wasn't always. Otoha seemed to have more patience with Johnny's touchy side when it was just the two of them, but still, that hardly made it better. "You always pull away as if you're gonna catch something."

"I..." Otoha sighs. It's not that he doesn't like Johnny. It's just that... well.

"It's weird. For guys to be touchy like that. I know you do it but you're a vampire. You're not exactly normal, anyway."

What if someone sees them like that? They'd make assumptions about Otoha and the idea of being labeled as even more of a freak weirds him out.

No, he wasn't normal, but hearing that from Otoha stung more than him pulling away and really just made him even more irritated.

"It's weird? So you don't really care that I drink blood from people and could kill them just to live, but you have a problem with who I want to hold hands with?"

He'd faced this with Ky, it really wasn't anything new. But, like with Ky, this hurt because he actually gave a shit about Otoha's opinion.

He reached out to grab Otoha's arm, not really caring about their deadline at the moment. "Even if I wasn't a vampire, I'd still be like this. Why do you have a problem with it? You've never said anything before."

"Killing people is part of my job, it's not weird to me."

He froze at Johnny grabbing him. "It's... look. I... I know that it's... not really... something..."

Otoha tensed, taking a deep breath to try to not stutter. "... I'm trying. Okay? The only people I knew at home who were... they were whores. I got told that if I ever turned out that way I'd be beaten to death. I got told that they were freaks, only fit for sucking cock and nothing else. And I don't want to think of you like that."

He hunched his shoulders, trying to think of how to put this next part.

"I know that's wrong. But it's still damn hard to shake twenty years of hearing that shit."

That made him pause. It probably shouldn't surprise him. There seemed to be a lot of worlds that didn't really care about that sort of thing, but even his own had gone through a long period of time when it wasn't okay.

Hell, how many times had he faced, essentially, that same penalty of death himself growing up? Centuries of learning not to care what other people thought, of living outside the reach of normal society, were the only things that had broke him out of his shell and into what he was.

His grip on Otoha's arm tightened a bit and he stepped closer, though not as close as he normally might have. "I get it. It's...just been a long time since I thought of things like that, but I do understand. Honestly, I used to think the same way...forever ago." He smiled brightly, but it was forced and fake. "I guess I am a freak~"

And like a light switch was flicked, it's gone and he's serious again. "I know it's hard, but no one's going to think any differently about you based on who you kiss or hold hands with. And, if they do...well, you could always beat them up to remind them you're still tougher than they are. Besides, I've got your back, so even if someone did give you shit for whatever reason, I'd have to take a chunk out of them."

He paused, his eyes moving from Otoha's face to the collar of his shirt in his insecurity. "Plus...you're the one who stopped me from being a whore...if you thought I was only fit for sucking cock, you never would have stopped me from doing it."

"... You don't have to smile if you don't feel like it. If you hate me then that's fine. I'm doing what I can, it's just... it's not what I'm used to. It was bad enough that the other members of the gang used to tease me since I didn't care about women, and since Reiji and I spent a lot of time together."

Honestly, he didn't know what he was. He just didn't really care. He was a freak anyway, so why would anyone want to be with him? Even now that he didn't think of himself as so much of a freak, he didn't really see himself being able to have any kind of relationship like that. It just wouldn't work. He'd just end up disgusting them or pushing them away or putting them in danger or hurting them.

He frowned and finally stepped right up to Otoha, forgoing personal space if it would mean he'd be listened to. His hands came up to curl in the other man's jacket and Johnny looked up into his face. "Hey...don't say that, don't- We're partners...in the human sense, at least. I couldn't hate you if I wanted to, and I really don't. Yours is just about the only opinion I care about in this entire city, that's why I'm even bothering to talk about this with you."

He was getting frustrated, not really at anyone but at his continued inability to fully express his point. He just wanted Otoha to understand.

"Your gang isn't here...and you're not like them, you're you. I know it might take some time to separate what they put into your head from what you can think for yourself-" His expression softened and he offered a small, genuine smile. "-but, from what I've seen so far, I like you for you and it can only get better from here."

"I know." He wasn't getting teary, he didn't do that. He tried to keep from twitching at the massive personal space invasion. "It's just hard. And I'm trying. And it's hard enough to not seem myself as a freak. It's just... probably in the whole time I've known you, I've had more non-violent physical contact than I'd had the rest of my life. I probably... speak more in a week now than I did in something like three months at home. I just..."

He shook his head. "I know you do. I just... don't know. I don't know what to do." If he really thought about it, he'd pretty much been encouraged to act like either a brat or an object his entire life. Having to flip around so many aspects of his life when he became Karas was bad enough. Trying to deal with everything in Vatheon had been hard, too. But here, where there didn't seem to be as much chaos, even with the weird happenings here, he didn't know what to do with himself.

"... This place lets me think too much. I don't like some of the stuff it brings up." He didn't understand. Why did he have so much time to think about things like feelings? Or family? Or why he did things? He didn't like the uncomfortable sensation of examining himself. He needed to move, to fight, to kill. Nothing felt right anymore, and he was so different than how he used to be that he just didn't know what to do.

"Hmm...well, the good physical contact you're just gonna have to get over. I don't intend to hit you unless you do something stupid to deserve it." His expression was gentle, caring, he wished he could show Otoha how Johnny saw him. No, he wasn't perfect, but he wasn't so bad as he thought himself to be.

"You do what comes naturally to you. Often times we get in our own way of what we should be doing." He granted Otoha a bit of his personal space back, but only so he could look him square in the eye. "The rest of it I'll help you with, anything and everything. Even if all you need is someone to stay by your side and remind you that there's someone who cares about you and not what you can do, then I'll do that for you without hesitation."

He searched Otoha's face even as his own words echoed back in his head. He was coming to a decision and he was hoping he wasn't doing it lightly.

In the blink of an eye, Johnny closed the distance between them and leaned up to press a full kiss onto Otoha's lips. It was simple in it's action, but it held every ounce of feeling Johnny held for the other man, most of which he couldn't even describe if he tried. It was a precarious line he was walking, but he hoped he could get through at least a small amount of what he meant-what Otoha meant to the vampire- through that one action.

Regardless, he didn't let it linger and then he was two steps away and had his attention on the brightening horizon. "Besides, I'm hardly weak, I can always distract you from thinking instead, if that's what you need. I just want to be able to help you."

It was easier to pretend like he didn't just kiss the most important person to him in the city because then, if Otoha didn't get anything from it, he could play it off, and if he did, Johnny didn't really expect him to say anything anyway.

Edited 2013-03-28 05:39 (UTC)

Otoha was going to respond, but then Johnny had to go and kiss him. His eyes widened in shock and he completely froze. Even when Johnny pulled away he couldn't speak, only stare. He wasn't sure what to feel.

On the one hand, it hadn't been that bad. On the other hand, he had no idea how to take this. He'd never been kissed before, and... he had no idea how to react. He seemed to shrink slightly, face starting to turn bright red. He stopped right where he was, trying to make his brain start working again.

The complete lack of reaction of any sort caught his attention and he looked over in time to see Otoha's face change color. He was so tempted to laugh. Here was this powerhouse of a man, a real force to be reckoned with under the proper motivation, and he'd been frozen solid by a simple kiss.

The more devious part of Johnny's brain wondered just how adorably entertaining Otoha would be when put in a more sexual or intimate scenario, but he left it as thoughts alone.

He wandered back over to Otoha, his expression one of bemusement.

"Idiot..." Honestly, he didn't know what he should do either. Back out now or potentially make things worse?

He reached for Otoha's sleeve, intending to drag him off by it...but then he reconsidered. He'd stuck his foot in it this far, right?

A gently hand reached up to move some of Otoha's hair out of his face as the vampire leaned in again- "So is this the on/off switch?" -and kissed Otoha again. This time, he let it linger a little longer.

Otoha sputtered and flailed a little against the kiss. No, no, not again! He pulled away as quickly as he could, face still burning red. He hunched his shoulders, attempting to hide in his trenchcoat.

"Wh... wh... what?"

Nothing was wrong here nothing at all having his face this red was normal, okay.

This time Johnny couldn't help the quiet laugh that escaped him.

"Otoha...it's a kiss. What's so confusing about it~?"

A bit of color flooded his cheeks as well. "I was just..." Doing a lot of things. "Giving you an idea."

Yeah, no, he's running out of courage fast. Time to recover.

"No one's ever... yeah."

You stole his kiss virginity, Johnny.

"No one? Huh. You know, I'm sure inexperience doesn't help with your confusion..."

He kept his eyes on Otoha's coat, finding that easier to look at than his face.

"But...you know...they say your first kiss should be with someone who cares about you. Glad I could help in that respect."

"... Yeah. Well." Otoha cleared his throat, shoving his hands back into his pockets. "Look, we should get going. It's getting towards morning."

And as much as he kind of felt like he had to punch Johnny, he didn't want the idiot to dissolve.

Johnny smiled to himself and quickly locked away whatever words and feelings had risen up and prompted him to kiss his best friend. It was easier that way.

Besides, Otoha was right, the sky was even brighter now and it wouldn't be too much longer until the direct rays spilled across the city.

Well, there was only one way to fix all this.

Johnny pushed Otoha a little and smiled brightly, instantly turning more childlike. "Come on! I'll race you~"

Okay. This he could deal with. Teasing, instead of dealing with feelings...

"You're on, bat boy." A poof and he's gone, racing ahead.

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