Where can I go from here?

[trainwrecking]

Who: Yuzuru Otonashi and OPEN.
Where: On on of the lit-up main roads on a snowy day: backdated to the 26th!
Summary: Otonashi is trying to honor a lost loved one's memory, collect himself after the Shadow event, and move forward.
Warnings: (P...ossible talk of character death? I guess that's always a disclaimer with these losers.)

[He wouldn't shed tears, he told himself. That isn't what she would have wanted for him, but the small snack cake in his hand? His late sister would have loved that. She probably would have urged him to try some.

Weary after donating blood just an hour before, it's in his best interest to oblige. The taste is forgettable -- or maybe he just isn't paying it any mind.

Sitting beside him on the bench is a rather large chocolate cake, (a gift with no owner now, regrettably) along with a couple of other small boxes and something wrapped in a damp envelope. His intent had once been to give these items out, but after his first rejected gift, his plans had changed somewhat. The redhead found himself sitting here instead, taking in the sight of people walking in the dimly lit roads. The warm, white lights had yet to be taken down, cheerfully glimmering on the falling snow. Children of all ages took part in an increasingly aggressive snowball fight in the park nearby, their laughter and yelling crystal clear even from here.

He had been so afraid of his memories and of the truth -- any truth -- that he can't help but desire to fold into himself to think. Nothing but snow and unclaimed gifts accompany him. Maybe he should get going; he needs to pawn off this dumb cake.

Will you bum cake off him? (Seriously he won't eat this thing..!) Tell him to move so you can park your butt on that bench instead? Throw a snowball (rude!)?]

((I will be finishing up Shadow stuff and tagging into more people's event stuff still! But I wanted something easy + an excuse for him to have gifts to give, if... he can get over his first spectacularly failed gift attempt.))

Comments

[trainwrecking]

[Would it be selfish of him to admit that part of his motivation for getting any of these gifts had been to hear their 'thank you's'? Of course he wanted to express care for the people in his lives and relieve the pain of the shadows, but --

It was far more than that. He harshly swallows the nostalgia. It tastes like old regret.]

Mmm. I hope you enjoy it. ["I hope it fits" might have sounded better, but he lets it pass.]

That's all I want. Oh, um... feel free to help yourself to juice, too. They gave me some extras.

[eyewillprotect]

Ah... you're sure you don't want them?

[They could always save them for later if he wanted to keep them...]

[trainwrecking]

They gave me several after I donated. If you're thirsty, take one. Whatever's left probably won't make it home...

[Yeah, yeah, he's doing what he can to keep sugar up, but offering to share just feels right.]

[eyewillprotect]

Oh... you just donated blood? In that case, isn't it better if you keep it for yourself?

[She's learned a few things about blood donation since Otonashi's moved in with her.]

I'll be fine, so don't worry about me.

[trainwrecking]

Yeah. I... wanted to do something special.

[Blood and plasma are about the only things he can spare, but if it were possible to give more and not die in the process...]

So, um... ['What do you think of the lights?' 'What do you usually do on Christmas?' He struggles a little, trying not to let the tone drift to a melancholy one...]

[eyewillprotect]

I'm sure whoever receives it will appreciate it very much.

[She thinks the donations alone are quite admirable.]

Aside from the donation, what have you been up to lately?

[trainwrecking]

Trying to enjoy the decorations... and not get hit by the snowball war going on.

[He goes to take a sip of juice, but ends up squeezing the box and shooting a nice stream of "orange pineapple adventure" (???) onto his cheek.]

"Trying to enjoy" is the operative word, I guess.

[eyewillprotect]

[...That... was a thing.]

...Are you alright, Yuzuru?

[trainwrecking]

It's fine... I'm surprised you didn't laugh.

[And then, quickly:]

N-not that you make a habit of making fun of people.

[eyewillprotect]

It just... surprised me.

[Even now, she's digging into the pocket of her coat, fetching out her handkerchief and offering it to Otonashi.

Still, that emphasis on "trying"... It's a pretty heavy-handed hint, all things considered.]

Did... something go wrong?

[trainwrecking]

[He takes the handkerchief, nodding quickly in appreciation and dabbing the juice spot on his cheek.]

Thanks... [Her question has him hesitant, though.]

... Ah, nothing that bad. This just isn't exactly my holiday... I seem to make really stupid mistakes when it comes around.

[eyewillprotect]

Ah... is that so?

[But... wait a minute, here.]

Does that mean... you remember the other times you celebrated it?

[trainwrecking]

Ah?

[He heard her. It's more a sound of disbelief, and -- no, he can't lie to her. He's not the best at covering up his lies. Someone always seems to find him out.]

Yeah... some of them. The most -- important. I don't remember things like my parents celebrating with me. Maybe they never did, I -- I don't know. Pretty dumb, huh...

[He swallows back more of that lingering guilt. This time, it tastes like the juice he's knocking back with it.]

[eyewillprotect]

...I don't think it's dumb at all.

[He looks so uncomfortable, it gives her a pause.]

...I'm sorry, if you don't want to talk about it, I won't pry.

[trainwrecking]

You don't need to apologize. You're just trying to be supportive, right? You're trying to understand...

[She isn't so different from him.]

... My little sister always wanted to enjoy a day like this, but she was too sick to be outside. Hah, I still wish I could've traded places with her. She probably would have loved it if you showed her how you do your hair... [He smiles a little, distantly.]

You'd have a little copycat on your hands, I bet.

[eyewillprotect]

Your... little sister?

[But... according to the Shadow, his little sister was...]

I'm... I'm so, so sorry.

[trainwrecking]

Mmn... It's--

[It will never be completely "fine," and he knows it. As forward as he might like to be on most matters, mourning someone you loved -- that you would still love -- is a completely different beast. He can allow himself to miss her, can't he?

In due time, the sense of loss might fade, but he doesn't want to forget her. Not again.]

Thanks. I'm... trying not to be a downer when everyone else is so happy. I don't know how well I'm doing.

[eyewillprotect]

Those are your feelings, though. It's... not good, having to bottle them all in like that.

[It's hesitant, but she places a hand over his.]

...Please don't worry for my sake. If anything is bothering you, I would rather know. Especially if it's something major like this...

[trainwrecking]

[He looks down to her hand, then to her.]

You're right, but... You know that goes for you too, right?

[eyewillprotect]

[Her hand tightens, but only ever so slightly.]

...Of course.

[trainwrecking]

As long as you know you have someone to talk to, too. I think I'm a pretty good listener, a lot of people opened up to me before...

[He's mustering a smile here.]

I guess that's what's so hard about it here sometimes.

[eyewillprotect]

[It's true. Even though he knows her secret, even though he knows about the Bodhisattva's Eye...

She still feels like she can trust him with that information, and that knowledge had put her at ease somewhat. If anyone here had to learn about her power, she was glad that it was Otonashi.

However, that second part... She tilts her head to the side ever so slightly, her expression questioning.]

It's difficult...? In what way?

[trainwrecking]

... Bonding with people felt so natural before, even if I was never particularly good at it when I was alive. I was starting to feel like I could really help out.

[He looks out to the playing children.]

But I can't seem to do anything here. Even donating blood seems... like it's obsolete. Who needs a hospital when it seems like everyone can use magic to heal?

[eyewillprotect]

...Yuzuru, magic can't fix everything. Even my healing powers... can't fix everything. Magic runs out.

[Mana, energy - it will all run out sometime.]

That's why, having a stock of blood will always be helpful. Because if a disaster really does strike that leaves us all too exhausted to use that magic, there will still be help for the people who need it.

...Bonding with people is the same. It might not seem like much at first, but after a while... you begin to realize just how important those bonds are. Even if it's painful at times, and even if it's difficult - there's still a connection there.

[trainwrecking]

I'm sure they wouldn't even let me do it if they didn't need it. I was even used to built-in healing and revival before, but Hinoto-Ri is such a weird mix of everything...

[He appreciates her support though, and nods to show that he's listening.]

I'm sure you're right, I'm just having trouble fitting in even after all this time. I try to start something to help, and then -- nothing. It hasn't worked out yet.