音無 結弦 || ᴏᴛᴏɴᴀsʜɪ, ʏᴜᴢᴜʀᴜ (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
trainwrecking) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
destinystrings2013-12-28 09:37 pm
trainwrecking) wrote in destinystrings2013-12-28 09:37 pm
Entry tags:
Where can I go from here?
Who: Yuzuru Otonashi and OPEN.
Where: On on of the lit-up main roads on a snowy day: backdated to the 26th!
Summary: Otonashi is trying to honor a lost loved one's memory, collect himself after the Shadow event, and move forward.
Warnings: (P...ossible talk of character death? I guess that's always a disclaimer with these losers.)
[He wouldn't shed tears, he told himself. That isn't what she would have wanted for him, but the small snack cake in his hand? His late sister would have loved that. She probably would have urged him to try some.
Weary after donating blood just an hour before, it's in his best interest to oblige. The taste is forgettable -- or maybe he just isn't paying it any mind.
Sitting beside him on the bench is a rather large chocolate cake, (a gift with no owner now, regrettably) along with a couple of other small boxes and something wrapped in a damp envelope. His intent had once been to give these items out, but after his first rejected gift, his plans had changed somewhat. The redhead found himself sitting here instead, taking in the sight of people walking in the dimly lit roads. The warm, white lights had yet to be taken down, cheerfully glimmering on the falling snow. Children of all ages took part in an increasingly aggressive snowball fight in the park nearby, their laughter and yelling crystal clear even from here.
He had been so afraid of his memories and of the truth -- any truth -- that he can't help but desire to fold into himself to think. Nothing but snow and unclaimed gifts accompany him. Maybe he should get going; he needs to pawn off this dumb cake.
Will you bum cake off him? (Seriously he won't eat this thing..!) Tell him to move so you can park your butt on that bench instead? Throw a snowball (rude!)?]
((I will be finishing up Shadow stuff and tagging into more people's event stuff still! But I wanted something easy + an excuse for him to have gifts to give, if... he can get over his first spectacularly failed gift attempt.))
Where: On on of the lit-up main roads on a snowy day: backdated to the 26th!
Summary: Otonashi is trying to honor a lost loved one's memory, collect himself after the Shadow event, and move forward.
Warnings: (P...ossible talk of character death? I guess that's always a disclaimer with these losers.)
[He wouldn't shed tears, he told himself. That isn't what she would have wanted for him, but the small snack cake in his hand? His late sister would have loved that. She probably would have urged him to try some.
Weary after donating blood just an hour before, it's in his best interest to oblige. The taste is forgettable -- or maybe he just isn't paying it any mind.
Sitting beside him on the bench is a rather large chocolate cake, (a gift with no owner now, regrettably) along with a couple of other small boxes and something wrapped in a damp envelope. His intent had once been to give these items out, but after his first rejected gift, his plans had changed somewhat. The redhead found himself sitting here instead, taking in the sight of people walking in the dimly lit roads. The warm, white lights had yet to be taken down, cheerfully glimmering on the falling snow. Children of all ages took part in an increasingly aggressive snowball fight in the park nearby, their laughter and yelling crystal clear even from here.
He had been so afraid of his memories and of the truth -- any truth -- that he can't help but desire to fold into himself to think. Nothing but snow and unclaimed gifts accompany him. Maybe he should get going; he needs to pawn off this dumb cake.
Will you bum cake off him? (Seriously he won't eat this thing..!) Tell him to move so you can park your butt on that bench instead? Throw a snowball (rude!)?]
((I will be finishing up Shadow stuff and tagging into more people's event stuff still! But I wanted something easy + an excuse for him to have gifts to give, if... he can get over his first spectacularly failed gift attempt.))
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[He scratches the side of his cheek, sighing through his nose in lingering frustration.]
I got it for someone, and -- he kinda... not so subtly told me he didn't want it. Or to see me. He asked me if I was "that desperate." [He looks up at the lights, avoiding any eye contact.]
So if you want it, please. I'd really like it if someone enjoyed it... [And don't worry Hinata, Otonashi hasn't forgotten the gift. He'll hand it over soon!]
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[No one deserves to feel left behind by a friend. No one. It's... the most disgusting feeling. One minute you're comfortable with this person, and the next they hate you? It's the worst kind of emotional whiplash, and Hideki knows it all too well.]
[He has no words. He just... doesn't know how to articulate himself. So he's doing his best to show empathy, the hug getting just a little tighter.]
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It gets him to smile, really, but it's a smile out of Hinata's sight.]
Hinata...? What is it? Hey, are you okay?
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[He'd spent all this time looking for someone to chase off his loneliness, that he'd gone and forgotten about the person he'd had at his back all along. He needed to preserve the friendships he already had, not go off seeking new ones for the sake of having new friends.]
...I'm sorry...
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[He really doesn't care who sees. His grip tightens, reassuring, trying to fight off that clear tremble he hears in the other's voice.
Besides, having someone hold onto him on Christmas is... nice. Nostalgic. A little painful, but familiar.]
Huh -- you're sorry? Why? I hope you don't think I'm upset about the snowball...
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I let you down... I'm sorry. [Maybe this only really made sense to Hinata. Without clarification, it was difficult to say exactly what he was apologizing for. Whatever it was, it didn't take a genius to know that it must mean a lot to him.]
O-oi... Otonashi-kun...
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[He lets his grip drop, pulling back to look the other boy in the eyes. It isn't "are you okay?" or a casual "hey, what gives?" but rather a direct question.]
I'm sorry, I... don't understand. [It's spoken softly, left open enough for Hinata to fill in the holes if he wishes. It's difficult, but it's all Otonashi can do: offer to listen and be there.
He's always been good for that, at least.]
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[Or maybe... the distraction is the reason he feels bad. When was the last time they'd just hung out together, anyway?]
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[His tone is pressing and vaguely authoritative; like something a mother might use when she knows her child is lying to her.]
I'll come over, but I want you to tell me what's on your mind so we can talk about it. Now or later... okay?
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I'm... supposed to be your friend, but I haven't... been there. [He pulls the sleeves of the sweater under his coat down, balling them up in his hands. It seems to be some kind of coping mechanism or a sign of vulnerability, but where would he develop a habit like that..?]
That's all, I just... I should've been there to support you and I haven't been. You probably thought I'd abandoned you or something, h-haha... [Otonashi never said anything like this... so where on Earth are these assumptions coming from? There's more to this than he's letting on... but maybe out in public isn't the best place for it.]
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[He may not know, but he has the sense to know that this just isn't like Hinata. And whatever "it" is, it's important enough to warrant this nervous, remorseful reaction.
Otonashi stands rather abruptly, balancing the shoddily-wrapped boxes and his juice cartons haphazardly in one arm. His other hand grabs the sleeve of Hinata's coat.]
Come on. Have your keys on hand, I'd like to get inside before you freeze to death... [It's not like he's giving a lot of options here...]
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[He stands without protest, bending to grab the cake.] Y-yeah... [Without saying anything else, the blunette makes for the closest tramway station, occasionally peering over his shoulder to make sure Otonashi is following.]
you know when you spend forever in transit WELL NOT ON MY WATCH
"Ugh, back off, loser! You should thank me for letting you touch me!"
"F-forget it! It's not like I wanted to! Come on, Hinata. We're here anyway. If I'm thanking anyone, it's the tram for getting here when it did..."
WHOA!!11!! much amaze. such pro.
[As if that weren't enough, he mutters something under his breath as they walk past her.] You don't have anything worth touching anyway...
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It could be worse, I've encountered some really weird people on the tram late at night... [He clears his throat. They should be close.]
You've got your key ready, right?
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Yeah, yeah, I have it...
[His building isn't far from the station, balancing the cake on one arm out of necessity as he retrieves his keys from his pocket. He fumbles with the lock for a moment, eventually letting them into the building and making for the elevator.]
[He hasn't said much of anything this whole time, looking down at the cake in his hands... What's going on with him?]
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[Ah yes. Subtle. Subtle like the bright blue covered paper it's wrapped in with the large, misshapen stars splattered all over. Some of them read "YOU'RE A STAR."
Well isn't Hideki always going on about wanting to be some big champion--? HE TRIED.]
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[He stepped into the elevator when it arrived, moving to the side to give the redhead enough room to join him. He quietly looked down at the wrapping paper as the doors closed and they began to rise, his vision blurred by unshed tears. This all felt so familiar... but did he deserve any of this?]
[The elevator ride was mercifully short, so Hinata departed and made for his own apartment, casting a longing glance at Otonashi's vacant apartment before stopping at his own. Once again, he fumbled briefly with the keys, eventually getting the door open. The scent of teenage boy wafted out from within, dirty laundry and untended pizza boxes, topped by the awkwardly sweet smell of one of those plug-in air fresheners. It's as if he knew there was a smell, but he'd rather buy a useless trinket than actually deal with the core of the issue.] Sorry about the mess...
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Stating the obvious is a waste.]
Yeah, uh... I still have the receipts for this stuff, so... I can leave it all together if you want to do that instead. You won't hurt my feelings. [He clears his throat.]
So... what's--?
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[A hand rises to cover his face, shielding his shame from his friend. The kitchen is close by, maybe Otonashi should set the cake down...]
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Hinata... What don't I understand? [He hesitates, but only briefly before he lays a gentle hand on the other boy's shoulder. It's followed by reaching for Hinata's shielding hand, a soft attempt to pull it aside.]
Come on, why would I judge you for this? It's really okay.
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[It's always a strange thing to see him cry... it's like a terrible storm rolling in on a nice, sunny day.]
S-sorry, I just... [He chokes on a sob, shaking his head, as if to chase away a thought.] I'm s-so lonely...
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[The guilt settles heavily into his voice, threatening to crack it under the weight. Feelings of shame, of empathy, of self-loathe for his own failure to see the obvious come flooding in. His heart aches.
All those times had been cries for attention, and all he had done was taken it at surface value. He had made a joke out of Hinata's plea for companionship, figuring that someone like Hinata could easily shake off loneliness. After all, Hinata wasn't like Otonashi: Hinata had better social skills. Hinata had confidence. Hinata had a great smile and a way to make someone feel wanted (perhaps sometimes too much so). When he mistook that post for an awkward younger teenager's or even a child's based on the terrible chatspeak, he had been tender. Once he knew it was Hinata, it was joke fodder.
That image of Hinata desperately seeking someone to listen sends another pang into his chest. It's a terribly lonely thought.]
All along, it's like I haven't learned a thing... You've been trying, and I-- I never never thought, I didn't even consider... I don't think telling you that I'm sorry would even mean anything.
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[He pulls in a shuddering breath, gripping tightly at the other boy's shirt as he bites back another wave of emotion. That rejected cake... had Otonashi been suffering the same loneliness? Had Hinata's attempt to give him space ended up hurting both of them?]
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[He allows Hinata as much physical contact as he wants or apparently needs. Anyone who needed a hug or consolation would get it, if Otonashi has anything to say about it. However, seeing the other boy's hands red with the dryness and irritation of the cold--
He takes one, rubbing it to try to get stimulate the bloodflow, then goes for the other.
Idiot can't dress himself. Death and sickness are real consequences here.]
Hey...
(no subject)
yeah we talk about his room being horrible all the time so if it's not cool I'll kill it
omg perfect