destinystrings | Let Sleeping Dragons Lie

Entry tags:

Let Sleeping Dragons Lie

Who: Daichi Shijima (

hetried) and Yamato Hotsuin (

drakenguard)
Where: Libra District, Yamato's Apartment
Summary: Daichi gives a full-hearted attempt at giving Yamato a long-overdue talk about his Daddy Problems.
Warnings: Yamato's Everything

OK, Daichi wasn't exactly the most...er, stand-up or assertive guy? Usually he tried to stay out of people's problems unless he could help! And helping was really only limited to kicking some Demon Ass most of the time. When it came to Yamato, or Saiduq, (or hey even Miyako while we're at it), he literally had no idea what he was doing.

This was basically an issue that he would feel more comfortable leaving to Kaito, but-- Kaito...probably wasn't the best to talk to Yamato about it? After the fiasco he heard about around Christmas and all that, and...yeah. Besides, Daichi had been the one to see Yamato's drunken breakdown and everything.

Originally he thought maybe he'd bring it up around when Miyako came back; he'd have loved to just leave it alone forever and pretend it never happened, but that was quickly becoming Not The best Idea. But Yamato had disappeared for a month, and it was only now that he had come back to-- er, time to man up! In a, certain way of speaking.

He stood outside Yamato's apartment for a moment, second-guessing himself for probably the 127th time today, before taking a gulp, a deep breath, and knocking on the door.

Hoo boy. Here we go.

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"I'm fine. Tired."

Suddenly, Yamato felt extremely exhausted, as if being in another person's presence was draining every ounce of energy he had. Well, he was suddenly hyperaware that he had to maintain the perfect level of emptiness. Complete shutdown. Everything in the box. It was like looking up from a file of completed work only to find a warehouse's worth left over. Exhausting.

"Yes, just tired," he confirmed after a pause. "Is there something you needed?"

Daichi frowned; it was pretty obvious that he wasn't buying it. But he doubt that Yamato was going to be very forthcoming, if he wasn't inebriated, at least.

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something, if you're up to it. Remember that birthday party you went to last November?"

Out of it or not, Yamato could tell that this was going to lead onto That. Shijima was involved in only one incident from Shura's birthday party, and that was-

It was like a switch had been flipped. Every inch of him was on guard, his shoulders drawing up and gaze sharpening in a narrowed look. Oh dear.

"...yes."

He let out an uneasy chuckle mostly out of habit. It um...wasn't exactly what he wanted to see, but it was certainly better than Yamato being strangely uh. More mechanical than usual? And looking kind of bored. Something like that.

"Well uh... I just uh..." why was he doing this again oh god ahem. "I wanted to talk to you about it, is all. I mean, I don't think I was really the one you had in mind when you wanted to let out all that stuff..."

"It was merely drunken ramblings. You should pay them no mind," Yamato said, his shoulders relaxing a little, even as his gaze became even more intense. Yes, that was right. Just drunken ramblings, now take this subtle 'THIS IS END OF DISCUSSION' message Yamato is trying to telepathically tell you...

"Seriously dude? I'm not the smartest guy, but I'm not that dumb." You'd have to be one monumental idiot to not see through that kind of lie. Apparently Yamato's telepathy was completely ineffectual.

"With the way you reacted to Saiduq when we fought you back home, and your freak out when we first got here, plus all of that? You really expect me to think there was nothing to it?"

Yamato gave Daichi a very unhappy glower. This was the worst time for Daichi to find his backbone...and he glanced at the door briefly, as if gauging the distance. Well, if it came to it, he was certain he could escort Shijima out.

"What do you think there is to it?" Yes. Childish manoeuvre techniques activate!

Sorry Yamato, but if there was one thing Daichi had over you, it was certainly this; he could definitely kick your ass in a physical fight if push comes to shove. After all, he wasn't a goddamn stick.

And here, Daichi's tone and demeanor became surprisingly serious, for who he was.

"You and Saiduq. You believed everything you said, right? Even if you weren't all in your right mind... that kind of anger doesn't just come from nowhere. Just what happened with you two?"

There was also, er... Yamato's surprising self-worth issues, but he could talk about that later. Daichi wasn't exactly the best expert on that subject anyway.

Yamato stayed stubbornly quiet, crossing his arms over his chest almost defensively as he continued to the look at the door. For the moment, it looked like he was going to try blanking Daichi's existence entirely until he left - well he was hoping that'd happen. Truthfully he had no idea how to proceed with this situation.

Why did Shijima even want to know? Yamato had apologised for his...actions when he had been out of his mind, and had thought the matter closed when Shijima hadn't brought it up.

"Why do you even wish to know? It's not important."

"I was worried."

He crosses his arms and says that as if it's the most obvious thing in the world, while still remaining relatively serious. Duh???

"I mean, come on, that's not exactly something that's normal. Or uh, healthy. You seemed really upset about it."

Worried? Yamato gave Daichi a blank look. Why would he be worried? He was well aware that Shijima didn't particularly like, if anything, he suspected he simply tolerated him at most. That was fine though, Yamato didn't really care, but it made his concerns more than a little puzzling to him.

"...I am able to deal with it fine. Your concern isn't needed..."

"Yeah, because getting wasted and blathering about it to someone you hardly know is dealing with it?"

Seriously. Not buying it. This is the face of someone who is amazingly not backing down for once.

After a moment of staring like that though, he seems to deflate and let up a little, giving a small sigh that seemed like it would be in defeat-- but it certainly wasn't.

"Look, I know it's probably none of my business, but like I said, I'm worried. You seriously flipped your lid that first day we got here! And I don't think any of us want it becoming something more serious."

"Well, considering I had just recently died that day, my...mental stability had been understandably shaky," Yamato said, obviously trying to brush that incident aside. He was only going to do this kicking and screaming. "My past relationship with Alcor is - simply that. The past. It is no longer important."

"Rrr... well, I'll give you that." He, wasn't really sure how time elapsed exactly between dying and then, being in some weird other worldly universe that gave you head demons.

"But he's here too! I mean, if you really didn't care, I don't think you would've ever brought it up. But how much you dislike him isn't exactly a secret. Saiduq even told me a little himself."

That snagged his attention sharply. Yamato's gaze snapped back to Daichi, and he tensed back up again. "What did he tell you?"

That took him aback a moment-- but he knew if anything was going to get done, he wasn't going to back down on this subject. As much as he'd like to. So instead, he just swallowed a moment and continue.

"He said that you were angry at him. Whatever the hell happened... he didn't seem angry, but he was pretty beat up over it. I think he thinks he deserved it."

Yamato gave a bitter sounding snort, looking away with his lips pressed together in a thin line. "Tch, obviously... in this case his pathetic guilt complex is right. He does deserve it."

...oh no. Yamato was beginning to lose his hold on that calm empty feeling. He could feel that trembling welling of emotions start to cloud his mind, and he clutched tightly at the sleeves of his shirt, trying to force it back down into the Box. It was getting harder and harder to simply shut down anymore, and losing his usually reliable coping mechanism was more than a little alarming and frightening.

It was certainly obvious he'd hit on something. He was kind of glad Yamato wasn't acting like a...well, more (sort of) calm Yamato than normal, but he still didn't like it entirely.

So there was no real point in beating around the bush; he'd get to the obvious question.

"What'd he do?"

"..."

Yamato looked like he was clamming up again, staring at an unfortunate piece of wall like it had mortally offended him. Oh what didn't Alcor do? Yamato wasn't sure where to begin - and he didn't particularly want to. Why should Shijima know of their past? It was, like he said, unimportant.

He refused to acknowledge that even now, Alcor still had a tight grip on him.

Shijima looked like he refused to leave, or stop pestering unless he gave him something, though. Yamato lowered his arms in a sharp movement, turning to Daichi abruptly with a bit of a wild look in his eyes.

"What did he do? He betrayed me, that's what - oh, no, that isn't exactly correct. He simply lied to me for my entire life, and when I refused to bend to his will, he simply replaced me with Kaito," he snarled. "I was nothing but a tool to him, just as you are."

Don't worry Yamato, Daichi could be pretty patient when it counted!

"Wh-- me?" Daichi took a step back when Yamato initiated the crazy eyes, but he's preeeetty sure he's not entirely a relevant party to all this right now.

Still, he's doing his best to be neutral and listen to both sides of the story with the same sympathy.

"You knew him that long? Just what did he want you to do?"

"He was well aware that Polaris would eventually try to eradicate our world," Yamato muttered, briefly calming down - although he seemed to become withdrawn and quiet in exchange. "The reason for my family's existence...for eight centuries, we were bred for that specific event, to defend Japan, and in extension, the world, when it occurred."

This was a secret... but the Hotsuin family and JP's didn't exist here, and Yamato was dead anyway. What was the point in keeping such old trash secret anymore...

"Courtesy of Alcor, of course. He placed this burden on the Hotsuin family. I was nothing but his tool from the moment I was born. Tch, he even had the gall to feign sympathy for me, and despite that, promised freedom at the end..."

That was what confused Yamato the most. Alcor had lured him in with words of humanity's freedom, and choice, and dreams, had been the only thing, human or demon, to treat him as a person, and not a pawn. But he soon left, and when he returned after years of absence, had rejected Yamato's dream, and even attempted to kill him for it! Why...

He must have simply been manipulating him, trying to gain insurance that Yamato would, try to follow his plan when Polaris made his move. That was... the only explanation. Yamato had been a disobedient dog in the end, that was it...

Daichi didn't entirely understand most of that-- all this stuff about the Hotsuin family... well, he did sort of get it, but the gravity and the entirety of it just kind of flew over his head. He knew it, he just couldn't really wrap his head around it.

But he did get that first part.

"Huh-- He knew?!" When he had the chance to think about it, he wouldn't be surprised, but...seriously? And he couldn't do anything to stop it before?

...Still... he wasn't sure Saiduq was really the kind of guy (?) to just use someone like that. Given how bad he felt...

"I... sorry." He frowned. He should probably start with that. "I don't really understand what he's thinking, but-- I mean, you knew him for a long time, right? Is that really all there is to it?"

"Of course not," Yamato snapped, giving Daichi a harsh glare. "It is shameful to admit it, but that thing had been the only creature who ever-" He clammed up suddenly, crossing his arms and looking away with a tight expression. "It doesn't matter. It is the past. I have told you enough."

He recoiled slightly at the glare but...eh, when WASN'T Yamato glaring at him like that.

The sentence that Yamato cuts off though gets his attention-- just what was he going to say? Daichi's certain he's probably not going to be able to get that out of Yamato himself, but. Hey, it's certainly something to remember.

"Doesn't it though? I mean... I guess you don't have to talk to me about it, but Saiduq is here. Two of him, actually--! I'm not saying you have to forgive him, but with whatever's going on, I don't think it's gonna help to be fighting between ourselves. It didn't help us against Polaris." It kind of, just made them all waste time.

"At least, talk to Miyako about it or something? I don't know.

Implying that it hadn't been something Miyako didn't already know. They were practically each other - she knew all of his issues regarding Alcor, but they were both ill-equipped with things of this nature. He doubted she even viewed it as an actual problem, outside of it affecting his judgement at times.

"...I'm perfectly fine in merely avoiding him. It's him, both of them, that keep seeking me out and antagonising me."

Come on, if you couldn't talk to your twin about your feelings, then what else was there?!

"Don't you think you're being a bit defensive? I mean, you're the one that always ends up yelling and getting angry..."

"My emotional responses are logical for the situation at the time," Yamato said coldly, very clearly trying to shut down this conversation as quickly as possible.

Although that was such a bold-faced lie even Yamato nearly grimaced at it. His 'emotional responses' were downright shameful, no matter how much history he and Alcor had together. A leader was to be cold and collected, above such lapses of control... and instead he broke down into angry, wild fits that he couldn't prevent. Shameful, shameful, shameful!

"Aren't you the guy who would say that emotions aren't logical?"

Seriously bro, you know that you're bad at lying when Daichi can call you out on something just like that. He was grimacing himself, actually, but it was more wry and bracing for impact that anything else.

"..."

Yamato was beginning to dislike Shijima-with-a-backbone. Normally he was quelled with a harsh glare or a few shard words, but here he was standing up to him, and demanding things that no one had any right to know. Tch...

"Why does it even matter?!" he finally snapped, his frustration suddenly erupting. It was a miracle he had managed to keep his temper for so long, considering the subject matter, but, he was sick of Alcor! He had enough of him in his own world, he had enough of him in Hinoto-Ri, he had enough of him with that creature taunting him about it, and he was quite fed up with Shijima pressing him on it!

Uh oh. Maybe he should have stopped while he was ahead.

"C-Calm down-!" His hand's came up a bit as if to hold a defensive position, but they didn't get much higher than the lower half of his torso as Daichi took a step back. He couldn't be looking like he was ready for a fight if he was trying to reason with him.

"I'm just trying to help you! It's not even about Saiduq, it's about you being so angry about it! It's not healthy!"

"Do you think I don't know that?! It's not something easily-!" Yamato made a frustrated noise and abruptly turned away in a near violent movement, keeping his back to Daichi as he tried to push everything back down. Feh...hahaha! Even Shijima was noting his weakness! Yamato was overcome with a strange urge to laugh, but he had a suspicion that if he did, he wouldn't stop, and he didn't exactly wish to lose his wits in front of Shijima of all people.

He just wanted to be alone. He just wanted to do nothing until he stopped feeling things again. Why did people keep insisting on disrupting that? Confronting these things, they would do nothing but serve to humiliate himself. As if he already wasn't acting like a disgusting weakling, but...

He was surprised-- for a moment, he just...watched Yamato's back curiously, wondering if he was going to do something.

"Yamato...?"

His frowned deepened, and he took a half step closer as he lowered his arms back to his side.

"I know whatever you're going through probably isn't easy-- I don't even have any idea what that is exactly. But you're not in this alone, you know--! You have Miyako now, and you still have me and Kaito, plus that Hitoshura girl, and Ideo too. We just want to help."

"...why..."

Yamato didn't understand.

He...

He really didn't understand it. He had been told, multiple times, that emotions were something that distracted you from your main purpose. You could rely only on your own power, your own strength. As Chief of JP's, you were both a leader and a servant. You led disposable pawns to their deaths and sacrifice, all for a Greater Purpose, while you yourself were just as disposable. Every Hotsuin died for Japan. Every Hotsuin died for their duty.

That's what happened to his parents, apparently. Yamato didn't even remember them. He had only been four when they passed. Died during duty. A good death. They fulfilled their purpose. Too weak to survive the ordeal though.

All they got was two sentences in the Hotsuin record. That was it. That had probably been Yamato's fate back in his world as well. He died. A sentence. 'Yamato Hotsuin died failing to bring a world of meritocracy.' Failed.

He wasn't sure where his thoughts were spiralling to, but he wondered why on earth Shijima was saying such things. Help him? He was to help himself, be above help, be able to control himself, be able to lead even with the world crashing down around them.

"Everyone is weak in some way, Hotsuin. Everyone needs help."

Ronaldo's words haunted him even now, ahah. Weakness, yes, Yamato was weak. He was unworthy of the name Hotsuin, he was... why would people want to...

"W...Why?"

He squinted, straining his ears to hear the question properly. 'Why...?' Well, he...didn't really know how to answer that? Why? Why not?

"What do you mean why?" Hell, he barely understood the question. Daichi was just a normal high school student with two parents and a best friend who lived in next door. The whole Hotsuin family, well, he couldn't even understand that. Maybe he was a bit of a bleeding heart, but-- did they need a reason to care?

"Exactly that: why would you want to?"

Yamato's voice was a bit stronger this time, a bit calmer too - although it was a empty sort of calmness. He was still keeping his back to Shijima, because he wasn't quite certain he could keep his expression straight if he looked at the other. He had a direction in his scattered thoughts now though.

Why would Shijima want to help him? Why would anyone want to, if only for...

"We're not friends. You will gain nothing from it. Is it just pity?"

A quizzical expression came to us face, even if Yamato couldn't see it.

"Huh? Of course we are." His tone was almost incredulous, though not quite to that magnitude. "I mean, I know you probably don't think so, but you did kind of save us during the invasion. You don't just go through a whole week like that without becoming some kind of comrades."

He rubbed the back of his neck, looking up and into space as he continued. "I guess it's probably just me, but... Come on, you know me. I'm not really the best at trying to get what I want out of people."

"You're an idiot."

It wasn't said maliciously or harshly or anything. In fact, Yamato sounded weary, lifting a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. Honestly... Shijima was an idiot. Yamato couldn't understand him no matter how much he tried. Friends? Fine, whatever, if Shijima wanted to view him like that, he could. Yamato didn't have the energy to correct him.

However... now that the initial instability of his anger had passed, Yamato realised that Shijima spoke the truth. He did need to get a handle on his shameful behaviour somehow. Lapsing into a rabid sort of fury, being so weak to it that it could be used against him like a weapon... no, Yamato needed to iron out that weakness, cut it out like an infection if he had to.

But how? Shijima said people would help him, but he didn't particularly feel comfortable in exposing his soft underbelly to them. Not Shijima, not Kaito, not Hitoshura, not- Ideo. He felt ashamed. He wanted to be empty again.

Oddly enough, Daichi let out a light-hearted chuckle, atmosphere of the current room be damned.

"Tell me something I don't know." And he was pretty cheerful about it!

"But that doesn't mean I can't at least try to help as much as I can. Someone's gotta be an idiot if you're too busy thinking about astrophysics."

That teased a wry snort from Yamato, and his shoulders relaxed a fraction.

"...you're right," he said quietly. He didn't clarify what Daichi was right about though. He felt that it was obvious, and it was taking a bit of effort for him to even admit this aloud. He was frank in his failings normally - inability to connect with people, lack of compassion, widely disliked... but this was a different thing to admit weakness in, and it was greatly discomforting to say.

...but he felt a bit lighter as well.

Another time, he would gloat over the fact that he actually got Yamato to admit that Daichi was right. But, thankfully he actually had some sense of gravity and appropriate timing. Maybe later.

"So then let me help out every now and then, OK?" The concession did broaden his smile, however. "You don't have to do anything now-- or tell me anything else for that matter. Heh, actually, you'd probably prefer it if I left right now, right?"

And another small laugh at his own self-deprecation. "But let me know if you do want to!"

"Hm."

Yamato finally turned back to Daichi, although his gaze was fixed on his door. Shijima was a confusing person to him at times - his competence and courage fluctuated wildly, and now this offer to help even if... Yamato didn't get it.

"Yes, I would prefer it if you left now. I want to think by myself."

"I figured," He said whole-heartedly, now much more willing to vacate the premises than if Yamato had tried to force him to earlier.

"I'll let you, then," And with that, he started making his way for the door, opening it on his own this time. "I'll talk to you later, alright? And try to eat something besides takoyaki for once, hehehe."

"There is nothing wrong in living off of takoyaki," Yamato grumbled quietly, glancing at Daichi with an unimpressed look. "But yes, goodbye."

Hey, he actually said goodbye!

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Let Sleeping Dragons Lie

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