destinystrings | 01 Job Hunting

Who: ~~Fabulous Demon Overlord~~ Kazuya and YOU
Where: Virgo ward
Summary: Kazuya looking for a job - well, trying to, anyway.
Warnings: Demon Overlords do not do jobs.

Kazuya had come to an unfortunate truth.

He needed a job.

He couldn't go back to his own world with his Bel powers on the fritz, so until he discovered a way to get them working again, or a portal home of some sort, he would have to get comfortable for the amount of time he would stay here. Which meant he would need to get an income, i.e a job.

It was a bit weird to think about, really, since he had thought that doing something as mundane as working was beyond him now. His days were to be filled with the war against God, not doing human work things. Could he even consider himself human anymore? Probably not. He found it hard to think in human terms at times and even his ability to empathise was starting to erode away.

But that was depressing to think about. Let's go back to the lesser evil: working.

Kazuya thought that it would be best to go through the Virgo ward, since it was the shopping ward, but nothing really enticed him. He couldn't see himself working retail - he doubted he could keep his temper if he had to deal with difficult customers - but there wasn't much else. Maybe he could do warehouse work...

Urrrrgh...

So here, have a frustrated looking Demon Overlord mooching about the shops. Got job offers? Brilliant! If you want to simply bug him? Even better!

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Kazuya narrowed his eyes suspiciously at Atsuro, and raised his hands to protectively settle them over the headphones. "Naoya gave them to me," he said defensively.

"What about the ones I gave you for your birthday last year?"

They were made of paper. Also scribbled on in crayon to resemble cat ears even more. Also made in 5 minutes during a particularly boring cram session on integrals. Also he had given him a real birthday present later.

Kazuya's defensive expression immediately went flat.

"Oh. Those. Yeah, they're, uh, on a very special pedestal. Too important to wear. Collector's item."

"They're one-of-a-kind, that's for sure!" Atsuro cheerfully continues. "If you're ever replaced by a clone, it'll be our special secret to make sure that you're the real deal."

A suspenseful pause.

"Except that I never made you headphones! Fake!"

This was just getting silly now. And he totally did.

"Mwahahaha!"

Kazuya didn't care if it was stupid. He hadn't been stupid or silly in a long time - being King of Bel required some sort of dignity - and being silly with Atsuro was always hilarious. So he gripped the side of his cape, holding it up in a style similar to a cliché vampire.

"You found me out, Hero!"

And out rolls out the cliché RPG dialogue too.

"Who are you and what did you do with the real Kazunya?!" Atsuro assumes the stereotypical martial arts stance, including the bouncing-back-and-forth idle animation. "It's past his bedtime and I haven't even fed him his kitty chow yet!"

Maybe not cliche, but terrible dialogue, anyway.

"You will never know! Not unless you defeat me...and that is impossible!"

Terribad dialogue of the nth degree.

Kazuya swept his cape behind him dramatically, crossing his arms and pointing his nose up into the air like any good Video Game Villain. He grinned evilly, his eyes twinkling with amusement, before shifting into a martial arts stance as well, copying with the bouncing-back-and-forth animation.

"Your journey ends here~"

"I know you're in there somewhere...!" Somehow the plot had changed from an abduction setup to a brainwashing setup. "I swear on our bonds of friendship, I will set you free from the darkness...! By beating it out of you!"

Atsuro isn't exactly a karate black belt, but a week of demon fighting had taught him a few things. He manages a passable roundhouse kick.

"Thousand-Kick of the Unearthed Dragon: Purifying Light of the Five Nirvanas!"

Kazuya was struggling not to burst into laughter - then decided that since he's the villain here, random laughing fits were probably in character. He downright cackled as Atsuro managed to flail into a roundhouse kick.

He lifted his arm, gripping onto Atsuro's ankle when the foot came close and - holding his leg up in place, threatening to upset his friend's balance - leered at him.

"Your Dragon of Light Techniques are no match for my-" Er shit, something equally stupid "-Steel Lion-turtle Defence! Hah!"

Kazuya yanked at Atsuro's leg, shifting his body to the side as his friend was tugged forward, and reached out - to try and take Atsuro's precious hat! The source of his power...!

"Whoa!"

Atsuro now finds himself in the perfect position to perform a whole-body-spinning block roll. Unfortunately, he had only ever observed this technique in movies and he finds himself merely twisting his ankle instead.

"Ow! ....What the heck is a steel lion turtle? Don't make things up; this is serious."

So saying, Atsuro leans back as far as he can to avoid getting his hat snagged.

"I'll draw in sharpie on your headphones when you're asleep!"

"You wouldn't," Kazuya says, drawing back with a scandalised look, his hand pressing protectively against one side of his headphones. "You can't touch my babies, that's just low."

Kazuya drawing back yanks Atsuro just far forward enough that he loses his balance and splats against the ground.

K.O.!

But at least his hat is safe.

"Says the guy trying to abscond with my hat. C'mon, you know I've got the worst hat-hair when that thing comes off."

Kazuya did not try to save Atsuro at all when his friend went splat on the floor, and actually stared down at him with a smug look. He lowered his hand from his headphones, and 'gently' nudged his friend in the ribs with his foot.

"I dunno. You've worn that thing for so long I've forgotten if you even have hair. Maybe you're prematurely bald."

Atsuro dusts himself off with a sniff as he readjusts his hat in the proper position (power sign facing left). Geek chic was still chic.

"Maybe my hair is so awesome that I'd have people lining up to try to get me to model hair goop for them if I left it uncovered, huh? Ever think of that?"

"Or line up to get hair goop from you," Kazuya returned, his tone teasing as he grinned. "What's the stereotype? Geeks are greasy from staying in all day? If you're not bald, maybe you wear the hat because you produce enough oils to lubricate a factory..."

"Augh, that's disgusting." Atsuro hops to his feet and pulls a face. "And I'll have you know I wash my hair at least once a week. ...I mean. Day."

Kazuya wrinkled his nose, shying away from Atsuro a little. "Ew, a week?"

"T-That's a joke! C'mon, it's not like I stink or anything."

Atsuro smells like primroses and honeydew, thanks very much.

Kazuya gave Atsuro a look. A look full of judgement.

JUDGEMENT.

"Right."

"..."

Atsuro looks grumpy.

"Seriously? You think I smell?"

"My sense of smell is like a billion times stronger, you know," Kazuya pointed out. "Almost everyone smells to me now."

He turned away, smirking a little. "Even you."

01 Job Hunting

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