Where can I go from here?

[trainwrecking]

Who: Yuzuru Otonashi and OPEN.
Where: On on of the lit-up main roads on a snowy day: backdated to the 26th!
Summary: Otonashi is trying to honor a lost loved one's memory, collect himself after the Shadow event, and move forward.
Warnings: (P...ossible talk of character death? I guess that's always a disclaimer with these losers.)

[He wouldn't shed tears, he told himself. That isn't what she would have wanted for him, but the small snack cake in his hand? His late sister would have loved that. She probably would have urged him to try some.

Weary after donating blood just an hour before, it's in his best interest to oblige. The taste is forgettable -- or maybe he just isn't paying it any mind.

Sitting beside him on the bench is a rather large chocolate cake, (a gift with no owner now, regrettably) along with a couple of other small boxes and something wrapped in a damp envelope. His intent had once been to give these items out, but after his first rejected gift, his plans had changed somewhat. The redhead found himself sitting here instead, taking in the sight of people walking in the dimly lit roads. The warm, white lights had yet to be taken down, cheerfully glimmering on the falling snow. Children of all ages took part in an increasingly aggressive snowball fight in the park nearby, their laughter and yelling crystal clear even from here.

He had been so afraid of his memories and of the truth -- any truth -- that he can't help but desire to fold into himself to think. Nothing but snow and unclaimed gifts accompany him. Maybe he should get going; he needs to pawn off this dumb cake.

Will you bum cake off him? (Seriously he won't eat this thing..!) Tell him to move so you can park your butt on that bench instead? Throw a snowball (rude!)?]

((I will be finishing up Shadow stuff and tagging into more people's event stuff still! But I wanted something easy + an excuse for him to have gifts to give, if... he can get over his first spectacularly failed gift attempt.))

Comments

[frequent_flyer]

[A bit bruised that his snowball fight plan hadn't worked out, he moved to sit on the bench beside the redhead, pulling the furry collar of his leather coat a little tighter around him. No hat, no gloves, no scarf... how the hell wasn't he freezing to death?]

[Upon closer inspection, his hands would be pink from cold, the snow not having done him any favors. Maybe he was freezing...]

Ah- A cake? [He looks it over curiously, his eyes getting a little brighter.] Is it someone's birthday?

[trainwrecking]

[The mention of cake has him grabbing the thing and all but shoving it at the other boy.]

Do you want it? Take it! [Nope, no irritation. None at all. Regardless of the response, he picks up a medium-sized box with a slightly tattered bow stuck on top. It looks every bit like a teenage boy wrapped it.

But he's beginning to believe that Hinata might actually need the contents of this box, because clearly he can't dress himself.]

[frequent_flyer]

[He fumbles with it as the cake is thrust at him, visibly startled by the force with which Otonashi is trying to get rid of delicious baked goods.] H-hey-! Careful... [How weird... Was the cake bad or something? He doesn't think his friend would give him rancid cake, but he feels the need to ask anyway.] Is there something wrong with it or something..? It looks really good to me...

[But wait, there's more!? He forgets about the cake temporarily in favor of the sloppily wrapped present. If he were a dog, his ears would be sticking straight up in anticipation.]

[trainwrecking]

No -- sorry, no, there's nothing wrong with it. It was baked fresh today, even.

[He scratches the side of his cheek, sighing through his nose in lingering frustration.]

I got it for someone, and -- he kinda... not so subtly told me he didn't want it. Or to see me. He asked me if I was "that desperate." [He looks up at the lights, avoiding any eye contact.]

So if you want it, please. I'd really like it if someone enjoyed it... [And don't worry Hinata, Otonashi hasn't forgotten the gift. He'll hand it over soon!]

[frequent_flyer]

[A visible tension rises in the boy's face as his friend talks about rejected gifts. Didn't want the cake? Didn't want to see him..? That desperate? Without thinking, Hinata sets the cake down on the ground beside the bench, scooting over and throwing his arms around the redhead.]

[No one deserves to feel left behind by a friend. No one. It's... the most disgusting feeling. One minute you're comfortable with this person, and the next they hate you? It's the worst kind of emotional whiplash, and Hideki knows it all too well.]

[He has no words. He just... doesn't know how to articulate himself. So he's doing his best to show empathy, the hug getting just a little tighter.]

[trainwrecking]

[It catches him by surprise. He doesn't move to get away, nor does he even seem to mind. Rather, he drapes one arm around the other boy's shoulders.

It gets him to smile, really, but it's a smile out of Hinata's sight.]

Hinata...? What is it? Hey, are you okay?

[frequent_flyer]

I wouldn't... I wouldn't do that to you. [There's the faintest hint of a tremble in the boy's words, momentarily glad that they aren't looking at each other's faces. Otonashi doesn't need to see him holding back tears.]

[He'd spent all this time looking for someone to chase off his loneliness, that he'd gone and forgotten about the person he'd had at his back all along. He needed to preserve the friendships he already had, not go off seeking new ones for the sake of having new friends.]

...I'm sorry...

[trainwrecking]

I know. I know you wouldn't.

[He really doesn't care who sees. His grip tightens, reassuring, trying to fight off that clear tremble he hears in the other's voice.

Besides, having someone hold onto him on Christmas is... nice. Nostalgic. A little painful, but familiar.]

Huh -- you're sorry? Why? I hope you don't think I'm upset about the snowball...

[frequent_flyer]

No, I- [He draws a deep breath, his shoulders shuddering a little as he tries to maintain composure.]

I let you down... I'm sorry. [Maybe this only really made sense to Hinata. Without clarification, it was difficult to say exactly what he was apologizing for. Whatever it was, it didn't take a genius to know that it must mean a lot to him.]

O-oi... Otonashi-kun...

[trainwrecking]

You don't sound like yourself... What's going on?

[He lets his grip drop, pulling back to look the other boy in the eyes. It isn't "are you okay?" or a casual "hey, what gives?" but rather a direct question.]

I'm sorry, I... don't understand. [It's spoken softly, left open enough for Hinata to fill in the holes if he wishes. It's difficult, but it's all Otonashi can do: offer to listen and be there.

He's always been good for that, at least.]

[frequent_flyer]

Do you... want to come over? [He's dodging the question, instead focusing on something else as a distraction.] Since you moved out, I feel like I don't see you at all...

[Or maybe... the distraction is the reason he feels bad. When was the last time they'd just hung out together, anyway?]

[trainwrecking]

Hinata...

[His tone is pressing and vaguely authoritative; like something a mother might use when she knows her child is lying to her.]

I'll come over, but I want you to tell me what's on your mind so we can talk about it. Now or later... okay?

[frequent_flyer]

[There's no way out, huh... He draws a shaky breath, leaning back a bit so he's sitting up on his own side of the bench, although he keeps his eyes pinned down on his lap. Eye-contact is... not exactly in his skillset right now.]

I'm... supposed to be your friend, but I haven't... been there. [He pulls the sleeves of the sweater under his coat down, balling them up in his hands. It seems to be some kind of coping mechanism or a sign of vulnerability, but where would he develop a habit like that..?]

That's all, I just... I should've been there to support you and I haven't been. You probably thought I'd abandoned you or something, h-haha... [Otonashi never said anything like this... so where on Earth are these assumptions coming from? There's more to this than he's letting on... but maybe out in public isn't the best place for it.]

[trainwrecking]

... Hinata, stop it. I've never thought that. You have to know that I trust you, so why would you think --?

[He may not know, but he has the sense to know that this just isn't like Hinata. And whatever "it" is, it's important enough to warrant this nervous, remorseful reaction.

Otonashi stands rather abruptly, balancing the shoddily-wrapped boxes and his juice cartons haphazardly in one arm. His other hand grabs the sleeve of Hinata's coat.]

Come on. Have your keys on hand, I'd like to get inside before you freeze to death... [It's not like he's giving a lot of options here...]

[frequent_flyer]

[He winces as Otonashi asks for much needed clarification. This is... hard. he knows what he's trying to say, so why isn't Otonashi immediately understanding it?]

[He stands without protest, bending to grab the cake.] Y-yeah... [Without saying anything else, the blunette makes for the closest tramway station, occasionally peering over his shoulder to make sure Otonashi is following.]

you know when you spend forever in transit WELL NOT ON MY WATCH

[trainwrecking]

[Most of the tram ride is spent mostly in silence, save for a few accidental bumps and shoves from other passengers. As the pair nears their destination, the redhead moves to leave and runs into a loud, well-dressed girl from behind.]

"Ugh, back off, loser! You should thank me for letting you touch me!"

"F-forget it! It's not like I wanted to! Come on, Hinata. We're here anyway. If I'm thanking anyone, it's the tram for getting here when it did..."

WHOA!!11!! much amaze. such pro.

[frequent_flyer]

Oi, oi... [Humorlessly, he nudges the redhead's shoulder to get him to start walking, completely ignoring the obnoxious broad yelling at them.] Let's get out of here, Otonashi-kun...

[As if that weren't enough, he mutters something under his breath as they walk past her.] You don't have anything worth touching anyway...

[trainwrecking]

[The girl with the green moth clip turns her nose up and lets them go. Whatever, right? Otonashi, on the other hand, makes a face at Hinata as if to say, "I wasn't thinking that..."]

It could be worse, I've encountered some really weird people on the tram late at night... [He clears his throat. They should be close.]

You've got your key ready, right?

[frequent_flyer]

[Hinata could be really hard to read sometimes, especially around women. Sometimes he just... decided he didn't like a girl and that was it. Apparently this particular girl was a type that annoyed him, because he shot a dismissive look over his shoulder as he and the redhead departed the tram.]

Yeah, yeah, I have it...

[His building isn't far from the station, balancing the cake on one arm out of necessity as he retrieves his keys from his pocket. He fumbles with the lock for a moment, eventually letting them into the building and making for the elevator.]

[He hasn't said much of anything this whole time, looking down at the cake in his hands... What's going on with him?]

[trainwrecking]

While we're waiting, um... Maybe... you should... No, you should definitely trade me that cake for this box. What do you think?

[Ah yes. Subtle. Subtle like the bright blue covered paper it's wrapped in with the large, misshapen stars splattered all over. Some of them read "YOU'RE A STAR."

Well isn't Hideki always going on about wanting to be some big champion--? HE TRIED.]

[frequent_flyer]

[He turns to peer at the box, staring unamusedly at the colorful wrapping paper. It's not like he didn't want the present, he just... wanted to wait on it. Although, he did swap with Otonashi to appease him.] I'll... open it when we get there.

[He stepped into the elevator when it arrived, moving to the side to give the redhead enough room to join him. He quietly looked down at the wrapping paper as the doors closed and they began to rise, his vision blurred by unshed tears. This all felt so familiar... but did he deserve any of this?]

[The elevator ride was mercifully short, so Hinata departed and made for his own apartment, casting a longing glance at Otonashi's vacant apartment before stopping at his own. Once again, he fumbled briefly with the keys, eventually getting the door open. The scent of teenage boy wafted out from within, dirty laundry and untended pizza boxes, topped by the awkwardly sweet smell of one of those plug-in air fresheners. It's as if he knew there was a smell, but he'd rather buy a useless trinket than actually deal with the core of the issue.] Sorry about the mess...

[trainwrecking]

[His heart sinks a little, but he chases any trace of it from his features and rides out the elevator trip in silence. Though he can't help but wrinkle his nose up at the smell, he makes no outstanding comment. Hinata's room smells like death and, oh, the sky is also blue.

Stating the obvious is a waste.]

Yeah, uh... I still have the receipts for this stuff, so... I can leave it all together if you want to do that instead. You won't hurt my feelings. [He clears his throat.]

So... what's--?

[frequent_flyer]

N-no, you don't- [He nudges the door shut with his foot once the redhead is inside, not even sliding his shoes off before his voice cracks. For the moment, the present gets set down on his desk, neglected for now.]

[A hand rises to cover his face, shielding his shame from his friend. The kitchen is close by, maybe Otonashi should set the cake down...]

[trainwrecking]

[The kitchen is too far. The fate of the cake feels too inconsequential now, so the cake ends up on a rare clean patch of floor beside the bed.]

Hinata... What don't I understand? [He hesitates, but only briefly before he lays a gentle hand on the other boy's shoulder. It's followed by reaching for Hinata's shielding hand, a soft attempt to pull it aside.]

Come on, why would I judge you for this? It's really okay.

[frequent_flyer]

[The moment the redhead touches him, Hinata lunges forward, arms coming to wrap tightly around Otonashi's middle. He hides his face against his friend's shoulder, tears staining the fabric of the shirt there.]

[It's always a strange thing to see him cry... it's like a terrible storm rolling in on a nice, sunny day.]

S-sorry, I just... [He chokes on a sob, shaking his head, as if to chase away a thought.] I'm s-so lonely...