destinystrings | Time Of Truthiness!

"..."

Phantom Girl stops floating.

...
...
...

"OK, I know I made a lot of cracks before, haha running joke, but seriously. What does 'Kindred' mean?"

"That's seriously what it means. You know why I never get up before sunset? Because I lose consciousness as soon as the sun comes up unless I try really hard, and there's nowhere to go anyway because I catch fire in direct sunlight."

He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "Look, I didn't know how people would react if they found out I was actually a vampire. That post about the jokes a while back was me trying to find out if there were any others in the city. Basically everything I told you about me was true except the 'not a vampire' thing."

"Bu -- ...Vampires aren't real! They're just things in Bouncy's stupid horror films! There aren't actually blood-drink...ing..." Just like there aren't actually demons or aliens with dimensional phasing powers Phantom Girl shuts up. She chooses the time-honored route of 'blank staring' instead.

"...You know, you didn't laugh once at my jokes. You should have a sense of humor if you're going to be a bloodthirsty maneater."

"I didn't laugh because I was busy trying to work out if you actually knew or not. And 'maneater' kind of implies that I kill them. I never take enough for that - and I haven't been feeding from humans at all since I got here, anyway."

Maugris rubs his forehead. "Weird for me to slip up and mention that in the first place, honestly. I don't usually do that... Advertising isn't exactly a survival trait for us."

"I'm all for full disclosure, but yeah, this is probably one of those things that shouldn't be used as an icebreaker." Phantom Girl peers at him carefully before crossing her arms. "I'm sure I taste terrible. Just warning you in advance - I bet alien blood is like acid."

Not that she was seriously concerned about losing her blood given she could slip away to her special dimension, but.

"...Well. Since you did spill the beans, you mind telling me a little more about this stuff?"

Maugris rolls his eyes. "I've been feeding from the animals out in the woods, mostly. Even if I was going after people I'd stick to normal Earth humans - supernatural blood does strange things to us, which is something I thankfully don't know firsthand, and I have no clue what alien blood would do." Living mostly off of animals isn't generally looked upon well by Kindred society, but none of them are here even if he cared.

He sighs. "I may as well, I guess. It's not like we've got a Masquerade here, not when we summon monsters out of our heads. What did you want to know?"

"...I don't even know where to start."

She begins to slowly pace around him in a circle, as that was scientifically proven to improve thought processes.

"So... what does being a vampire mean? There are a bunch of stories, but. What's actually real? You suck blood? Sunlight kills you? You're not actually evil with a capital E, are you, because I'm pretty sure superheroes aren't allowed to fraternize with the Really Evil. My mother definitely wouldn't approve, anyway."

"Okay, so yes, yes, and no but an awful lot of us seem to be complete jerks." He ticks them off on his fingers, and sighs. "I don't know about from a religious point of view, but we're not really inherently evil, any more than humans. We get a lot of opportunities to be worse people, though. I try not to. If you run into a Kindred who calls humans 'kine', they're probably not somebody you want to hang around."

After a moment, he adds, "Before you ask, 'kine' is a Middle English word for cattle, which tells you all you need to know about the kind of vampire that uses it."

"...Hey, 0% body fat right here. My meat would be the stringiest stuff."

Not that vampires ate meat.

"I mean, I guess it's slightly understandable though. Whenever there's a predator-prey relationship between sentient species, it's easier for the predator to evolve a sort of... superiority complex. No one's ever heard of polite vampires because no one will want to give you their blood if you ask politely."

"At least not anybody you'd want to hang around." Maugris has a ghoul - well, had, anyway - but he never fed from the guy. "But yeah. When you're the perfect predator everybody starts looking like a meal. But even guys like that are usually smart enough to remember that 'kine' have horns."

He pauses, looking up at the sky. "Remember when I told you it was my job to keep normal people from finding out about the supernatural? That was true. Technically I was only responsible for making sure the other vampires I was in charge of stayed hidden, but... it's easier all around if we try to make sure everybody lies low. There are people who'll hunt down anything they think poses a threat to humanity, and they aren't too discriminating about what they kill."

"So. You're kind of the vampire police. ...No wait. You're the security guard at border control. You keep the humans on one side and the supernatural on the other and if they have to commingle, you check out their credentials first."

A slight pause as Phantom Girl tries that thought out in her mind.

"No offense but I'm hoping there's more than one of you with this job."

"Um, I'm more like the vampire mayor. The title's actually Prince, but that's mostly because a lot of vampires are old-fashioned. Vampires mostly organize within one city, so it ends up looking like a Wild West boomtown - the guy in charge of the actual vampire police is even called the Sheriff. And it's usually the Sheriff and a few deputies doing that job, but there aren't usually that many vampires in a city that it gets to be a problem."

He pauses for a moment as if calculating. "Metatropolis was a pretty big city and had a lot of vampires for its size, and I don't think there were ever more than about forty of us at the absolute most."

"...Huh. So vampires are suckers for historical dramas. Maybe I'll start calling you Prince Maugris from now on. ...Or London whatever your real name was." She would have to go take a look at the apartment listing again.

"So what happens if a human does find out about you guys?" Drawn and quartered, each vampire gets a limb. "Or if one of your vampires gets out of control?"

"Landen. And nobody calls me that. I'd prefer just Maugris. I can't really be Prince if I'm here, and anyway I really hated being Prince."

He shrugs his shoulders, looking uncomfortable. "There are... different ways. If it's just a glimpse of something they shouldn't have seen there's a trick some vampires have where they can basically wallpaper over someone's short-term memory." He's deliberately picked the most harmless option - and it says a lot about the other options that he thinks that one is the most harmless.

"A vampire who gets out of control mostly gets threatened with the fact that there are bigger and badder vampires out there who would prefer they stay in control. If that doesn't work, they get kicked out of the city and have to find somewhere else - and vampires do communicate with each other, enough that if they go to a new city they can expect the people there to know. If they're really bad, the threats even get carried out." He doesn't like that part.

"As you please, Prince Landen."

Phantom Girl will, of course, sweep her cape out as she descends to one knee in a bow as is customary with royalty.

"So what happens if, say, some plucky investigative reporter is watching in an alleyway when one of your vampires takes the blood he needs from a passerby? And then he follows you around because that's what plucky investigative reporters do?" Whether or not she had said as much, the point of these questions were, of course, to make a judgment concerning Maugris and his vampire culture.

Edited 2013-08-27 02:06 (UTC)

"Well, for a start the vampire in question gets in serious trouble for not just getting spotted, but letting himself get followed around. As for the reporter... any evidence he has gets mysteriously lost or damaged. His stories never quite seem to make it to print." He shrugs. "He keeps pushing, he might lose his job, even get recommended to see a psychiatrist about his delusions about vampires. A lot of vampires are good at manipulating mortal society behind the scenes - assuming a reporter trying to break news about a conspiracy of vampires doesn't get put on psychiatric leave all on his own."

He really, really hopes she doesn't ask what happens if the reporter keeps going. That's where things get ugly, and Maugris is starting to work out that he can't actually lie at the moment.

"Hm."

Phantom Girl has more or less figured out where this is leading on her own.

"Well. Totally ruining his life means he's still got one left to ruin, at least. This kind of thing is hard on normal humans, isn't it? I suppose coming out into the open and establishing some sort of vampire blood bank to keep you all satiated is out of the question."

"I don't like it, but it's the best option we've got. Besides, if he's smart enough to keep his mouth shut on his own it can be kept from going too far." Or if you lie like hell to your superiors and hope they don't look into it further.

"But no, going public won't really work. Best case, nobody believes us and they think we're all crazy. Worst case, it's stakes and torches time. And that's without dealing with what vampires would do if they thought they didn't have to hide anymore." They've been over that part enough that she gets the idea, he's pretty sure.

"You know, in these kinds of stories, the plucky investigative report usually ends up managing to bridge the gap between cultures and opening up a brave new world of vampire-human friendship. You could give it a go and see what happens." ...She was probably joking. Phantom Girl resumes floating and drifts a few feet away.

"Honesetly, though. You're playing referee right now, and it's working, but... How long do you really think you guys can keep it going? What will happen when it breaks down?"

"It seems to be working so far. The Camarilla's been around almost six hundred years, and vampires in general a lot longer than that. It, uh, isn't always with methods as nice as the ones I talked about, but so far we haven't managed to all get ourselves wiped out by hunters or werewolves or anything else that doesn't like us."

He sighs and shakes his head. "When it really breaks down, it usually goes in favor of the mortals - there's a lot more normal humans out there than there are vampires. My city was pretty much abandoned by Kindred for five years because a conflict got too big and spilled over into the mortal world. Most of the vampires involved in that mess met final death; the ones who didn't just had the sense to bug out."

"...There are werewolves, too?" Was the most important part of that statement, of course. She manages to shake off the expression of exasperated disbelief after a moment or two and resume the conversation. "It still seems like there ought to be a better way... It doesn't seem fair to anyone involved right now."

Whether or not she would ever admit it, diplomacy ran in her blood. Phantom Girl heaves a slight sigh.

"Trying to establish relations with Earth centuries ago went about as well as you would expect - at first. We had the advantage of the Martians having paved the way to the idea of otherworldly visitors, and really, Earth was used to monster attacks and superheroes and all of that already; aliens were just another step up the weirdness ladder. In the end, we managed it with as little conflict as we could have hoped for. And today, Earth is the bastion for the main body of the United Planets - and for my team, of course. ...The point is, if they can take 500 different species of aliens, maybe they can handle vampires. ...In a few hundred years."

Edited 2013-08-28 02:42 (UTC)

"Yes, there are werewolves. I thought we talked about the werewolves before? They really don't like vampires, I think because things that smell dead aren't supposed to be walking around. Thankfully we mostly stay in cities and they mostly like to hang around the outskirts."

He sighs again. "You're right, it isn't fair. I don't like it, even less than I like how most vampires behave around each other. Which is lousy, by the way. But aliens have the advantage of not having a few thousand years of preying on mortals behind them. And there are more aliens than vampires, and they aren't completely vulnerable at the same time humans are up and about most often. I'm sure you guys got nutjob terrorist attacks when you were trying to assimilate - imagine how bad it would be if there were only a couple million of you in existence at all, ever, and all it took to kill you was dragging you out in the sun while you were asleep."

"...Oh. We did." A slight pause. "I get the stories I hear here mixed up with old movies I've watched before; it's hard to tell them apart sometimes."

Phantom Girl has the decency to look vaguely embarrassed as she continues on. "And, er, I wouldn't be too sure about the whole preying on humans thing. ...I mean, not Bgztlians; we're saints, but. I have it on good authority that humans are surprisingly easy to manipulate. Honestly, though, no one really likes the Coluans that much." A firm clearing of the throat before she proceeds. "I see your point, but. It isn't as if vampires have another planet to live on, either. Sooner or later, like you say, someone ends up making a mistake and the bad things happen anyway. Since you're obligated to coexist..."

A small shrug.

"...Don't you get lonely?"

He raises an eyebrow at her estimation of her own race, looking a little curious. "I don't know, if vampires are harder to manipulate than humans it's only because a lot of us are already such manipulative bastards that we know what to spot. But after that I kind of have to know. What do Coluans do?"

After a long moment, he adds, "... Yeah, a little. But since most of us can at least pass for humans it's not like we can't interact with them. I mean, I was taking night classes at the university back home. And after dealing with the other vampires in Metatropolis for a while I usually need to spend the rest of the night away from people if I don't want to haul off and punch somebody."

"They're a hive mind of inorganic humanoids. ...Living robots. Their claim to fame, besides being incredibly obnoxious to anyone they meet, is producing the Brainiac line - Brainiac I was all into the whole genocide, 'humans are insignificant worms' thing. Brainiac V is fine, though, for a given definition of fine. He's on the team and off the hive mind; we like him even if he's way too cynical for his own good."

This from Little Miss Snark herself.

"...Anyway. I guess that's enough Q&A for the moment." A slight pause. "We should probably talk about the whole 'can't lie' thing, unless you had any burning questions you wanted to ask me. I've totally been abusing it."

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