destinystrings | I am the thief and you will run

Who: Sam Erstwhile and EVERYONE.
Where: In your house, then the middle of Capricorn District.
Summary: Sam Erstwhile is affected by the TRIHARDO curse, and promptly decides that everyone has way too much stuff. Thieving shenanigans ensue.
Warnings: T for taking stuff that is not his!!!!!

PART A: IN YOUR HOUSE/APARTMENT

[It's just an ordinary day for all of the residents in Hinoto-Ri. It's time to sit back, relax, try out stuff in your closet, read a book...whatever you normally do.]

[However, you are not alone. There's someone else there, an intruder, and he is coming to take what he believes you really do not need. He's being very good at it, though- he's found a mask to disguise himself, and he's wearing gloves to carefully pilfer through your things without leaving a trace. However, it's not just gold and jewelry he wants. That television? He's taking it. That collection of CDs by that teenage singer you really like? No longer yours. Your secret stash of porn/yaoi magazines/body pillows? It's all his now. You have too much of it.]

[Maybe it's time to stop him before he runs out with your stuff. How did he even get in here without you even noticing, anyways?]

PART B: CAPRICORN DISTRICT

[Where is all that stuff going, you might wonder? Well, out in the most vacant of districts. Because, honestly, he has no need of this stuff at all. So, time to dump it.]

[People coming to the district will be treated to quite the bizarre sight; there are tall piles of things; furniture, books, pieces of machinery, you name it. And sitting on top of it all, unmasked, is a pathetic-looking young man who seems to have been the source of it all. How did he get all this stuff out here by himself? Why is he doing this? You'll just have to ask him to find out the answers.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Desco is just sort of staring.

"...Big Bro, what are you doing?"

Seriously. Why are you even in Desco's candy stash?

[BECAUSE OF REASONS, DESCO. GOOD REASONS.]

You have way too much of this stuff! It's taking up space!

[WHY IS HE WEARING A MASK AROUND HER SHE KNOWS WHO HE IS GOSH DARN IT]

"If Big Bro wants candy, there's plenty in his room!"

Pouting now.

"Which he would KNOW if he ever bothered to actually use it..."

Hey, if it was just you and me, it'd be fine. I don't want to be in the same place as your uncles. One kind of tried to beat me up and kill me, remember?

[He shoves the mask back on the top of his had- it gets kind of hard to breathe with it, honestly.]

No, I'm just trying to clear up space. I promise I won't take all of it. I can't even eat candy, anyways...

"Space for what?"

Space for not so many of the same thing. I mean, have you seen people's houses? They have like, ten TVs! It's ridiculous.

[AKA I actually have no freakin' idea this sounded good at the time.]

Wide eyes.

"B-big Bro...are you helping people?!"

[A long pause.]

I...guess I am? Maybe? I mean, something just needs to be done about all this extra stuff, so I'm not really helping people as much as just causing opportunity.

[This is as close to helping people as he gets. Savor it while it lasts, everybody.]

"NOOOOOOOOOO!"

And now Desco is desperately clinging to Sam's face.

"Big Bro! You have to step away from the light! Once you go down the path of the hero, it will dominate your destiny FOREVER!"

[Desco, you do realize that he has a mouth, it is on his face AND HE CANNOT USE IT IF YOU ARE ON HIS FACE]

Mmmhmph mmmmmmphhhh mphphphpp-!!!

[He reaches up to pull her away, looking slightly disgusted, as if she said something that makes him nauseous just by thinking about it.]

What? Desco, who do you think I am? I'm no hero and I won't be one anytime soon. Stop it, I'm just doing this one thing, okay?

"THAT'S WHAT THEY ALL SAY!"

Desco casts her voice into a mocking falsetto.

"'Oh, it's no big deal, it's one little good deed', or 'of course I didn't inhale!' or 'What's the harm in using the crosswalk?'"

STARING into Sam's eyes.

"And the next thing you know they are helping old ladies across the street! Big Bro, you've got to quit before you get sucked in too deep! Don't be part of that scene, Big Bro!"

[Just going to groan and look away. He doesn't consider himself evil incarnate, no, but helping old ladies cross streets? What is he, a Boy Scout?]

Desco, calm down! In case you didn't realize, I'm stealing things, okay? Stealing is still a crime, I'm not going to do all that stupid stuff, okay?

Desco's chin trembles a little before she angrily squares her tiny, round jaw and dashes the tears from the front of her torso with one clenched fist.

"F-fine! In that case, Desco will throw away her pride and help you! D-desco's not afraid to do good deeds! No matter how virtuous Big Bro gets, Desco will be right...right there with him! WE CAN GO TO CHURCH TOGETHER!"

A tiny, tiny voice now.

"I-it's not gonna hurt, is it?"

Desco, I am not going to go to church! Seriously, sheesh, who do you think I am, some superhero who gets kittens out of trees and stuff?

[UGHHHHH THIS IS THE STUPIDEST CONVERSATION HE HAS EVER HAD]

It is not going to hurt, and its just taking people's stuff, okay? It has no danger involved. Except possibly for people getting mad, but like we care about that, right?

wait what hold up

"...they get mad? When you do something nice?"

The tips of Desco's ears twitch at this.

"HOW DARE THOSE INGRATES NOT APPRECIATE YOUR SACRIFICE!"

[Why does he talk to this girl and live with her (except not really) in her house, he should be alone in some alley somewhere and he'd be pretty happy about it.]

Desco. I'm stealing their things. That technically isn't something people get happy about, even if it is for a good reason.

"It's the principle of the thing! What kind of...of poopyhead does it take to dislike someone doing something nice for no reason?! Especially when they shouldn't be doing nice things at all?! That is the PINNACLE of rudeness! They are INSULTING you, Big Bro!"

People are rude, Desco. That's just how people are. Me? I'm going to keep what I'm doing, irregardless of what they think. I'm doing a public service, after all.

[A frustrated sigh.]

It's okay, Desco. It's not like I haven't had to deal with this sort of thing before.

Pouting. POUTING.

"You shouldn't have to deal with it! Desco will beat up anyone who gets mad at you for being nice!"

I'll deal with it, Desco. You don't need to beat anyone up. It's okay. I don't need to be protected, okay? I'll be fine.

[The big brother protects the little sister, not the other way around, right?]

Still pouting, but a little less now.

"...Desco worries, that's all..."

Stop worrying.

[He means it!! A stern sort of look, before he pockets some of those candies and turns to the door.]

Are you going to come, or what? These things aren't going to steal themselves, you know.

"Coming!"

[A short laugh as he puts the mask back on, striding out into the streets with his hands in his pockets.]

So, which one should we hit first?

[This is the happiest he's been in a while ENJOY IT WHILE YOU CAN, DESCO.]

I am the thief and you will run

A

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject